Adventures of a Shockingly Average 30-Something

I was thinking last night, really thinking, and I've realized that I'm a lot happier now than I was at this time last year. I'm in a better place than I was before. Last year, my smiles were fake, pasted onto my face to give the illusion of happiness. There were some real smiles though. There were times I really was happy. But for the most part, I was hurting inside. I was hanging out with people who really were no good for me. I was getting yelled at, getting told I wasn't good enough, getting made fun of by people I thought were my friends. I tried so hard, and almost ended up becoming someone I'm not. It hurt. It wasn't fair. But I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. I've always been told, by my grandma more than anyone else, that I'm good at reading people, good at knowing who to trust, who to get close to, and I didn't want to be wrong. I didn't want to admit I'd made a mistake in trusting someone who was no good for...

No email back from movie people. :( Means I'm not gonna be an extra for this one. *sigh* Gotta think positively though, right? Maybe this one just wan't meant to be. I'm young, 18 years old, and it's not like that was the last opportunity that I'll ever get. There's more to come for me. I'm going to do great things in this world, just you watch.

Ahhhhhh. They're filming a short movie in a city really REALLY close to me. As in... 10, maybe 15 minutes away. I emailed them yesterday, asking about being an extra in the movie, and they got back to me today... saying that they needed to see a picture of me and to know my contact information. Went down to pop and grandma's house. Pop took a series of pictures of me. (He's really good with photography), and made a composite card type thing for me to email to the movie people. So I emailed them that and my contact info And now I'm waiting, waiting, WAITING for them to get back to me again. I'm going crazy waiting; I'm so impatient. I keep checking my email just about every 10 minutes, hoping that there will be a response. Gahhh I need them to get back to me. I want to do this SO BAD. Goddd, it's just to be an EXTRA, and I'm hoping so bad that I get it. It could be a really cool experience :D Wish me luck? ♥

It started as a letter in my mind. Maybe written down, it'll end as a poem. Maybe just seemingly random thoughts. Probably just random thoughts, thrown together And called by some "free verse" poetry. Or maybe even something else. Maybe I just don't know. Sometimes I wonder if you know I like you. If you just like playing with my heart, Messing with my mind, my feelings. Is that what this is? Do you only talk to me Because you know I'm so crazy for you? Do you only smile at me Because you know your smile makes me melt? Or are you completely unaware of how I feel? Maybe it's that you know I like someone That I'm head-over-heels crazy for someone And you just don't know it's you? I wish I could tell you who you are I wish I had the guts to just say Hi. I like you. But I don't. And I never will. Because I'm so scared that you won't feel the same way. You want the truth? I know you don't feel the same way. I just know it. But I wish y...