Adventures of a Shockingly Average 30-Something

Well, I did it.  One entry every day for a month.  And trust me, I'm  not doing that again any time soon.  Haha.  But, you know, I guess it kinda proved to me that if I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it and not give up because I'm tired of doing it.  Not that I got tired of writing, but still. It's my cousin's 13th birthday today.  He's the oldest of my younger cousins, as far as I know anyway.  I seriously can't believe he's a teenager now.  That's just... it's crazy. And it's the last day of 2010.  I don't really know how I feel about that.  I mean, part of me is like "finally, 2010 is over" but then I'm also nervous to see what the future has in store for me.  I guess that's normal though, right?  Truth is, I'm looking forward to whatever 2011 will throw my way.

Wow, one more day and I'll actually have updated here every day for a month.  I seriously didn't think I'd get this far.  But I did.  And that's pretty cool, I think so anyway. After writing yesterday about what 2010 was, I got to thinking about what 2011 will be.  And really, I don't know what the next year will bring, how it will be.  It  will be better than 2010 was.  That will happen.  Why do people even make new years resolutions anyway?  That's just something I never really understood because pretty much no one (that I know, anyway) actually sticks to whatever their resolution was.  And I mean, why do even bother making one if you know you're not gonna stick to it?  What exactly is a new years resolution supposed to be anyway?  Can it be anything?  Like... if I say that I'm going to do what it takes for me to be happy next year.  Is that a resolution?  Or does it have to be more specific?  See, these are the questions you have but don't want t...

Is this blog, or any blog really, a form of writing where you're writing in a stream-of-consciousness?  Because when we read The Sound and the Fury (which was an awful book, by the way. Don't read it.  Ever.) in literature classics, the chapter in Benjy's point of view, my teacher said that was a stream-of-consciousness.  So that's when you're, like, writing what you're thinking, right?  So then... facebook statues and tweets on twitter are like that too, right?  I dunno why it matters.  I just wanted to know. So anyway.  "2010was" is a trending topic on twitter right now, and I wrote up a "2010was" post on twitlonger.  It ended up being a lot longer than what I thought it would be.  And I guess, if you really wanted to know how 2010 was for me, you could just read through the old posts from earlier this year on here.  But whatever.  I'm going to put what I wrote on twitlonger on here.  Well... I changed some of it and added more to the e...

I'm so happy to be home! And yes, that's all I'm writing tonight.  I'll let your imagination decide what happened on that 11 and a half hour car ride home.  I'll let you come up with your own version of what was said when Pop was arguing with the GPS.  You can imagine for yourself who said what when we got lost in Maryland.  I'm just happy to be back home.

Home tomorrow!!! We're waking up at 7, eating breakfast and finishing packing, and then leaving around 8 to head back home! I'm so happy and excited and I really just can't wait to be back. My step-mom went in to total bitch-mode on me this morning because I flipped out at my grandfather. See, every single time that I eat something and he's there, he makes comments about how I don't eat enough. He's always like "you didn't eat anything." And it's not every once in a while that he says it. It's ALL THE TIME. And really, I'm surprised I haven't flipped out at him for that before this. I mean, I do eat. If I never ate anything, I'm pretty sure I'm dead. I'm at a healthy weight for my height. AND I've ALWAYS been small for my age. Always. It's normal for me. But yeah, I completely freaked out at him this morning and yelled at him and my step-mom yelled at me for yelling at my grandfather. But really, ...

Soooo I totally almost forgot to write here tonight. Actually, I did forget. I was almost asleep, and then I was like "!!! I forgot to update my blog!!!!" Anyways. I hate the snow. HATE. IT. I'm moving far, far, far away from it when I get older and I'm never coming back. I want to leave the snow and never see it again. There was 14 inches on the ground when I was watching the news with everyone about an hour ago, but it's still coming down, so there's probably more now. It should all stop sometime between midnight and 5 in the morning. But still. I hate it.

Christmas, finally. It was uneventful, really rather boring actually. It didn't feel like Christmas. It was more like... just another day. Everyone got presents. I got the Chuckie DVDs I wanted and just about $100 towards Taylor Swift concert tickets. So that was good. Dinner was ham, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, and more. And pies for dessert! Chocolate pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie.... ahhhh it was good. Aunt Kitty and them left earlier today, after dinner, because of the snow storm that was coming. It's snowing now, not hard, but then again I grew up in NY so what they think is heavy snow here isn't really what I would think is heavy snow. They're supposed to get 7 to 8 inches of snow by Monday night, so we're not leaving tomorrow now. We're staying here until either Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on the weather. After Aunt Kitty and everyone left, like a few hours after, not right after, Dad, Grandma, Pop, me, Nikki, and Hailey...

It's Christmas Eve, but it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It's not that I don't like being at dad's house. That's fine. I don't like the fighting and arguing. I don't like how stressed out everyone seems to be. I hate how everyone is trying to act civil to one another, but everything they all say is so forced and so fake and so... I just hate it. I want to be home. I want to spend Christmas with my mom and Nikki and Pete. I can't wait until we finally get back home and do real Christmas - Christmas with me, mom, Nikki, and Pete. Maybe that'll feel like a family, instead of just a bunch of people forced to spend a holiday together. Ok, so no one was forced , but we're all in this house together with no where else to go because most of us (Aunt Kitty, Uncle Farhan, Shawn, Sara, grandma, pop, me, and Nikki) live in New York, not Virginia, which is 9 to 11 hours away (depending on traffic). I just want to go home. :(

We made it to dad's at around 7ish, after 11 hours in the car. The GPS got us lost and we ended up like in the projects or something, totally lost and totally not where we wanted to be. It's loud and crazy and absolutely insane here; it's weird and hard to get used to. Six small dogs, and at least a hundred million people (I might be exaggerating a little there - about the people, not the dogs). I already miss the kids downstairs, I think because I know I won't see them for a few days. I know I'll see them when I get back home... but I miss them.

Well........... grades were FINALLY posted.... and I got....... 3 A's and an A-.  Yay!  My overall GPA for the semester ended up being 3.92, which is pretty dang good, if I do say so myself. We leave tomorrow morning at sometime between 7 and 8, whatever time our grandparents show up to pick us up.  Ughhh I'm so not looking forward to a car-ride that's at least 9 hours long.  Possibly up to 11 or 12, depending on traffic.  Whatever though.  I'm bringing my iPod, digital camera, video camera, Nintendo DS, sudoku puzzles, and a book to read.  I think I'll be good for at least a few hours. Haha. I spent forever today downstairs with the kids.  I won't see them again until after Christmas, so I had to make sure to see them today.  Trisha was worried that Santa wouldn't be able to find me if I wasn't in New York, but I promised her that Santa goes all over the entire world and that he would be able to find me and my family in Virginia. New picture (from today...

4 days til Christmas! I just noticed that pretty much this whole month, I was always counting down to something.  The number of days left in the semester.  The number of Tuesdays and Thursdays I had left, therefore the number of times I would see her before the semester ended.  The number of classes I had left.  The number of days until Christmas.  December, the month of countdowns, I guess.  haha.

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!  Until January 18th anyway. :D I'm pretty sure I'm getting an A in forensics, creative writing, and child & adolescence psychology.  And I think I'm getting either a B+ or A- in literature classics.  Because my teacher hated me.  Or.... because I didn't do so great on the two long papers we had to do for the class.  Ya know, either or.  But I did all the shorter papers.  And I got a real good grade on the oral presentation.  And I never skipped that class and I always participated in class discussions.  So maybe I'll scape a low A.  I'm just aiming for an A- in that class though. PS - There's only 5 more days til Christmas! :D

Science final tomorrow and then I'm done done DONE with this semester! :D  I'm not really too worried about it at all.  I need to get at least an 83.03 to get an A in the class, which will be easyyyy to do, since most of the final is the same stuff that was on tests 4 and 5 which we just did.  And I got a 90 on test 4 and a 93 on test 5.  It's 50 questions, but they're all multiple choice/matching, so.... yeah. Easy.

I almost forgot to post here today.  I almost failed at updating once a day for a month.  Truth is though, I'm kind of looking forward to this month being over so I don't have to remember to update every day.  I mean.. I don't mind.  But sometimes I really have nothing to say, so I just update with random nonsenseness.  It's not like I never have anything to say; sometimes I do, but other times...  Let's just say this wasn't one of my brightest ideas.  And I doubt if I'll update every single day after this month ends.  haha.  I'll still update.  I like writing in here.  It's like... I can just put my thoughts and somewhat try to organize them all out.  I like that.  I just don't think I'll post every day. Anyway.  I HATE when you go to a family party, and everyone's first question to you is "so, do you have a boy friend yet?" (with the emphasis always on boy).   "Erm.. no..." "Well, are you looking for a boyfriend...

Remember that guy who made my life Hell a while ago?  I wrote a really long entry in here not that long ago (I don't think it was that long, anyway?) about it all.  But anyway.  I saw him today.  And for the first time since the two of us stopped talking, seeing him didn't make me upset.  I didn't want to be alone and cry.  I didn't feel the usual fiery hatred I feel when I see him.  I didn't get angry at the world.  Seeing him didn't bring me back to the past, didn't make me wonder what I had done wrong or how I had messed everything up.  I know it wasn't all me, but before, seeing him would make me wonder why I had messed up.  This time, it was almost like... like I didn't know him at all.  I think I'm happy about that.  I think that means that maybe I really have moved on from before, which is great. And on a completely different note, I'm really proud of myself for actually updating on here every day so far this month.  Have I already ...

Another day down; just two more left!  A science test tomorrow that I don't really care about (she drops the lowest grade, so if I don't do good then whatever because it won't count anyway), and then my science final on Monday.  Ahhh I love being almost done with the semester. Today was the end of the semester luncheon (it just took me four tries to spell that word right) for the tutors.  No more tutoring sessions to lead this semester :(.  I love tutoring so much; it's fun to me and I like being able to help people.  And plus by tutoring, I get better a understanding of the different ways people learn and everything like that.  It's a really good thing that I love tutoring, seeing as I want to be a teacher.  I can't wait until next semester just so I can be tutoring again!  (Not gonna lie, the $8.85 an hour is a plus too. haha) A week from today, I'll be at dad's house.  It's 9:35 at night right now, so I'm pretty sure we'll be at dad's ...

I don't want the semester to endddd!!!!  I mean... I do.  But I don't.  I want to be done with classes, but I'm gonna miss seeing everyone.  I'm gonna miss playing UNO all the time.  I'm gonna miss our random conversations on our breaks between classes.  *sigh*  I hope we'll all be in school at the same times next semester.  Like... not the same as this semester, but like the same time as each other.  And I hope we'll have breaks between classes at the same times as each other again.  And I hope I'll like my classes next semester as much as I liked my classes this semester. One thing I can't wait for about next semester?  I don't have classes on Fridays! :D

Two days down, four left to go.  I'm so ready for this semester to just end, finally.  I'm bored with school; I need a break.  Of couse... three or four days into break, I'll be bored and want to be back in school.  But that's just me.  I love school.  I do.  But every so often, I need a short break.  Which I may or may not be counting down the days to right now. (FOUR DAYS! Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Monday. Done.)

I love seeing the kids downstairs so happy.  I couldn't wait to give Nathan and Trisha their presents, so I gave them to them today.  I was gonna give Cameron and Candis theirs too, but they weren't there today. Those two today, they were SO happy.  Trisha was funny; as soon as she opened it and saw Dora, she wanted to put them on right away - she tried putting them on over her clothes.  Made me laugh.  And Nathan, his eyes got so big when he saw Buzz Lightyear on the pajama shirt.  "BUZZ!!" he exclaimed, excited.  Like Trisha, he wanted to put them on right away too. I just love seeing them so happy.  Honestly?  I was surprised at how happy they were to get pajamas, but oh how they loved them.  That completely made my night.

It's great that my Literature Classics teacher gets that some people just hate talking in front of the class, so when it comes time to do our oral reports, she gives us the option of recording it beforehand and just showing the class the video. It's not so great that I waited until the last possible minute to start working on it and ran into more freaking problems than I could count. Stupid video camera.  Stupid computer not recognizing when I plug my camera in with the USB thingy. Stupid editing program that keeps freezing every 3 and a half seconds.

I totally almost forgot to post something here today. I'm wicked tired though; it's almost 11 at night... so.... just pretend this is something interesting for now, and tomorrow I'll try to be more interesting than right now.

I'm actually surprised that I've gone this far in the month, remembering to update here each day.  I know sometimes I don't really have much to say, but whatever.  I'm always saying  something,  which (I think) is somewhat impressive. There's ONE WEEK left of classes!!!  Well, one week plus one day.  Next week (this week? I always get confused with that.  When do you say next week and when do you say this week? That's ALWAYS confused me.) anyways.  This/Next week, the week coming up, the 13th to the 17th is the LAST FULL WEEK OF CLASSES!!!  Wow.  I just... This semester is over already?  It felt like it was going by really fast until Thanksgiving break (November 25th: "it's Thanksgiving already?  Didn't we just do Halloween a week ago???") but then, after break it started to just drag by soooo s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-l-y (November 30th: "Oh my godddddd how much longer until this f-ing semester ends already?!?"), and now the closer it gets to ...

Know what's really cool, that I hadn't really noticed until today?  When you look at most groups of friends, they're all so the same as each other.  It's almost like most people only hang out with clones of themselves.  But in the group of people I hang out with, we're all so  different from each other.  It's actually kind of cool that we all get along as well as we do, seeing as how not the same we all are. My mom said that my friends and I are like the toys on the Island of Misfit Toys in the Rudolph movie.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I have nothingggggg to write tonight, but I'm writing anyway just because I said I wanted to try to update here everyday. It's getting so so SO close to the end of the semester.  I seriously can not believe it.  Like, at all.  It's so crazy.  Like... I know I already went through and did this once, but whatever.  ONE more lab, and it's the practical.  So we're not  doing any more labs.  5 more science classes, but 2 of those are tests, so technically only 3 more science classes.  3 more literature classics classes.  Two more psych classes, but one is optional and the other is a test, so I'm actually done with psych for the semester (*sad face*  I LOVE psych.  I can't wait til next semester when I'll be taking Educational Psychology).  3 more creative writing classes, but next week half the class goes on one day, and half goes the other, so it's really only 2 more creative writing classes.  Seriously, how insane is that?? Like, where the heck did the...

Why do I feel like I don't know how to be alone? I used to like being alone. I loved being able to think in silence, being able to not think, being able to just be . But now I hate being by myself. I need people around, which is so weird for me. I need people to like me. I'm so like... freaked out and worried a lot of the time that my friends don't really like me. That they just put up with me because we've been friends for so long. But that doesn't even make sense, does it? Because if we're friends, then they have to like me right? Well, not have to... But, they do, right? You don't be friends with people you don't like, right? But then, when I am around people, I want the alone back. Like... not totally alone, but not with everyone either. When there's a lot of people, or when I don't know everyone around, I just shut right up and don't really say anything. I want to be around people, but I don't want to. I want to fit i...

The US version is going to be absolute crap in comparison to the magical, raw, realism of the UK version.  But I might be kind of excited to see it anyway. :)

Why do I never remember to post here until it's just about time to go to bed?  And I never have anything to say.  Well, sometimes I do.  Sometimes I have a lot to say.  But then other times... I just... don't.  But I'm posting because I said I'd post on here every day this month. Random thought?  I HATE wrapping Christmas presents.  I love shopping for the presents.  I love picking them out and putting them in boxes and everything.  I love seeing people open the presents I give them.  But I hate wrapping them.  That's gotta be probably the worst part about Christmas.  But it's worth it to see the smiles the presents bring. Another random thought?  Music in the early 2000's really sucked.  Like... it was awful.  I bought 3 old NOW! That's What I Call Music cds today (NOW 5, 8, and 9).  And I'm listening to them, thinking how awful the majority of this is.  And, to be honest, today's music isn't too much better.  But like... I grew up in the 90...

I've been awake since 6 this morning.  And it's almost 11 now.  So I'm not putting a real big update.  Just a picture and a reminder to VOTE FOR HANNAH'S HOPE in the Pepsi Refresh contest.

I was going to post just a picture today, but couldn't think of a good one to post.  Then I was just going to post a youtube video, but couldn't decide which video to post.  So I guess I figure I'll type rather randomly.  I'm listening to Justin Bieber music right now, which is kind of ironic I guess since people keep saying my hair cut looks like his.  It was annoying, now it's just whatever.  I made a video lip-syncing to some of his songs, just for fun.  I look so stupid in it, haha.  Doubt I'll ever post it anywhere, but ya know, whatever. My downstairs neighbors are arguing, no surprise there.  Every other word is a curse word.  I hate it.  I want so bad to go down there and be with the kids.  They're crying, and I hate it.  I hate hearing them cry.  It breaks my heart. :(  They scare me when they yell the way they do.  I just want the kids to be safe.

You want to know how crazy you make me? This... this is what happens when you're around, when I see you. My heart beats faster, wishing you were mine. My legs want to run to you, but somehow manage to walk on past. My arms want to embrace you in a hug, and maybe not ever let go. My hands want to remove that hat I see you wear, and let my fingers run through your hair. My lips want yours to the brush softly over them, and maybe linger there a while. My ears want to listen to only your voice, raspy and quiet, making my mind go off to places it hasn't before been. My eyes want to make their way slowly over your body, perhaps staying a bit too long, observing the intense beauty I cannot explain. My heart, it wants you to want me back. My fingers, they want to trace their way down your face. My ears, they want to hear you say my name. My eyes, they only want to admire every move you make. But my mind. My mind is the worst. My mind, it tries to understand .

Happy December. :) Soooo.. It's December now, as everyone has probably already noticed. There's only 3 weeks left of the semester! That means I have... 8 more science classes. 1 more lab, plus my lab practical (so technically, 2 lab day). 5 more child and adolescence psych classes. 5 more creative writing classes. And 5 more literature classic classes. That's SO crazy to think about. Truth is, I didn't even realize the semester is that close to being over until about 5 minutes ago when I looked at the calendar and counted out how many more of each class there really is. I was thinking... what if I wrote in here every day this month? I dunno if I have enough thoughts in the day to write like every day. I think I'm gonna try it though. But I already know I won't be able to write here every day. I'm going down to my dad's for Christmas, and I can't get on the internet on my laptop when I'm there. So from the 23rd until the 26th or 27th, I w...

Soo... I decided not to post that bit of my essay after all.  I deleted that post, as I just thought it was pointless.  But, then again.... I don't know.  Today was amazing, just in case you were wondering.  Cuz I saw  her .  And smiled at me.  And she told me she liked my hair cut.  She said it was cute.  She said it makes me look older, which is good.  She said she loves it. ♥ But anyway.  That's not what this post was going to be about.  I thought I'd share some little bits and pieces of things I've wrote with you all.  I love writing, especially writing in first person.  I can't explain the way it makes me feel, to write from the point of view of someone else.  You have to create this imaginary person, and make them real.  You have to, when you're writing, completely become your character.  For whatever amount of time you spend writing, you're you, but at the same time, you're someone other than yourself.  You're right where you are, but you...

My webcam takes crappy pictures.  But whatever.  I'm posting them anyway.  :)

Nathan is 3 years old.  And yet this kid, this little three years old kid , can teach the world so much more than the world could ever realize.  Kids really are so smart and they know so much more than people give them credit for.  People tend to over look them because they're so young and because they don' t word their phrases the way adults do (which is good.  It'd be weird if he spoke like adults do). Here's some of my favorite things he's said. ------------------ (about what he wants for Christmas this year) - "I just want my teeth back.  And a job." ------------------ me: Candis I love youuu *Candis smiles* Nathan: Sometimes a smile is "I love you back." ------------------ "I like Nikki's better. There's more colors and colors make people happy a lot." ------------------ (talking about Connie Talbot, after hearing the "Rainbow Bear" sing Connie's song.  There is a picture of Connie on the tag, and he was look...

I didn't want to admit it before, because I thought the feeling would pass if I tried hard enough to ignore it, if I tried hard enough to be happy, but it's not going away. I kept thinking to myself that if I couldn't feel happy inside, it was because I just I wasn't trying hard enough. I don't know what it is, but all the time lately, I feel like I'm 3 seconds away from crying. I feel like I'm going to just break down, and never be able to get back up. I'm feeling a lot like I did last year, and I don't know why. Things right now are so much different than they were before. And I was happy for a while there. But... I kinda feel like I'm on the outside, looking in on people. I don't feel connected with anyone except the kids downstairs from me, Candis and Nathan especially. You want to see the most real smile you'll ever see on my face? Watch me when I'm with those two. I feel like they're the only things keeping me all ...

Hey you guys! This charity that I care A LOT about is trying for the #PepsiRefresh grant. Will you spare a few minutes of your time to help? Just a few minutes of your time could help to save a child's life. Back in August, Hannah's Hope Fund ( http://www.hannahshopefund.org ) won a $250,000 grant from Pepsi to go towards funding for their GAN gene delivery trial. However, they still need another 1.2 million dollars of funding. That's why right now, the month of November, they are trying for another Pepsi Refresh Grant. They need to come in either 1st or 2nd place to get the money. Could you guys vote for them to win the grant money? There's three different ways to vote, and you can vote all three ways every day this month. Voting ends at midnight, November 30th. The three ways you can vote: 1. ONLINE -- Vote at http://www.refresheverything.com/hannahshope with every valid email account you have (work, personal, yahoo, gmail, etc.) After you vote, click the Facebook ...

I don't know what is was about this cause that really caught my attention, but it did. And it's something I really care a lot about. Please, this November, take the few minutes out of your day each day to vote 3 times for Hannah's Hope Fund in the Pepsi Refresh project. Also, try to get others to vote as well. Thank you. ♥

Every single time I'm in the same room as her, the only thought in my mind is "Notice me. Notice me. NOTICE ME!" Hoping, praying, wishing on an imaginary shooting star, that maybe, maybe, maybe she'll say hi to me. Hoping she'll say anything to me. Now she tutors at one of the same times I tutor at. And, I mean, she talked to me. For half a second. There were no tables left to tutor at, so she said I could sit at her table with her. When someone showed up for me to tutor, it was so hard to because she was sitting right there. Like right across the table from me. I was so.... I don't even know. I was trying not to notice her. Trying to pay more attention to my tutee. Trying to pretend that I don't like her, that my mind didn't go blank just because she'd said I could share the table with her. One of her (guy) friends came in, and she greeted him with a smile and a hug, and I was so jealous. I'm kind of friends with this guy too, but no...

This is Ron (Nikki's boyfriend) and his baby brother, Aden. Aden is just over a year old, and is so super adorable! Ron wants it to get a million views. Why? I don't know. But let's try anyway. It's only 45 seconds long; watch it and pass it on to everyone you know. :)

LOVE ♥

I'm at school right now, sitting outside the library, where it's supposed to be quiet but never actually is, typing this up on my laptop. And I'm in the most amazing mood ever. God I love it when she talks to me. For an hour this morning, maybe a little bit longer, we talked. Just the two of us for a while. It could've been a dream. Everything from nonsense outfit vs. just clothes right to the recent lgbt suicides was discussed between the two of us. We were serious. We were silly. We talked. And my day was made amazing. All day, since 8 this morning, I've been floating through the air. It's like I'm not all here because half my mind is going over and over and over this morning. Some of my friends keep saying that they'll figure out who I like, that it won't be too hard to find out who "he" is. Problem is, for my friends who want to know who the "guy" I like is... is that it's not a guy I'm so head-over-heels f...

I typed this up on Twitlonger, but figured I'l post it here as well. Yes, I swore a few times in writing it. Bullying starts at home when parents don't teach their kids tolerance and acceptance of people who are different from them. Am I blaming parents/poor parenting for all the bullying going on today? Yes, partly. But SCHOOLS need BETTER anti-bullying policies too. My old high school had (and still has) the one of the WORST bullying problems of any of the schools in the county I live in. Possibly the worst, I'm not 100% sure. Would they (school teachers/employees/officials) ever admit that though? No. Because they all live in fucking perfect little worlds, and refuse to admit when there's a problem. Well, there IS a problem. Open your damn eyes to it, why don't you? It's RIDICULOUS. There's students, not just at my old high school, but all over the country and even the world, who commit suicide because they can't take it anymore. It becomes too much,...

I was thinking last night, really thinking, and I've realized that I'm a lot happier now than I was at this time last year. I'm in a better place than I was before. Last year, my smiles were fake, pasted onto my face to give the illusion of happiness. There were some real smiles though. There were times I really was happy. But for the most part, I was hurting inside. I was hanging out with people who really were no good for me. I was getting yelled at, getting told I wasn't good enough, getting made fun of by people I thought were my friends. I tried so hard, and almost ended up becoming someone I'm not. It hurt. It wasn't fair. But I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. I've always been told, by my grandma more than anyone else, that I'm good at reading people, good at knowing who to trust, who to get close to, and I didn't want to be wrong. I didn't want to admit I'd made a mistake in trusting someone who was no good for...

No email back from movie people. :( Means I'm not gonna be an extra for this one. *sigh* Gotta think positively though, right? Maybe this one just wan't meant to be. I'm young, 18 years old, and it's not like that was the last opportunity that I'll ever get. There's more to come for me. I'm going to do great things in this world, just you watch.

Ahhhhhh. They're filming a short movie in a city really REALLY close to me. As in... 10, maybe 15 minutes away. I emailed them yesterday, asking about being an extra in the movie, and they got back to me today... saying that they needed to see a picture of me and to know my contact information. Went down to pop and grandma's house. Pop took a series of pictures of me. (He's really good with photography), and made a composite card type thing for me to email to the movie people. So I emailed them that and my contact info And now I'm waiting, waiting, WAITING for them to get back to me again. I'm going crazy waiting; I'm so impatient. I keep checking my email just about every 10 minutes, hoping that there will be a response. Gahhh I need them to get back to me. I want to do this SO BAD. Goddd, it's just to be an EXTRA, and I'm hoping so bad that I get it. It could be a really cool experience :D Wish me luck? ♥

It started as a letter in my mind. Maybe written down, it'll end as a poem. Maybe just seemingly random thoughts. Probably just random thoughts, thrown together And called by some "free verse" poetry. Or maybe even something else. Maybe I just don't know. Sometimes I wonder if you know I like you. If you just like playing with my heart, Messing with my mind, my feelings. Is that what this is? Do you only talk to me Because you know I'm so crazy for you? Do you only smile at me Because you know your smile makes me melt? Or are you completely unaware of how I feel? Maybe it's that you know I like someone That I'm head-over-heels crazy for someone And you just don't know it's you? I wish I could tell you who you are I wish I had the guts to just say Hi. I like you. But I don't. And I never will. Because I'm so scared that you won't feel the same way. You want the truth? I know you don't feel the same way. I just know it. But I wish y...

Dear (your name), We've been best friends since second grade. We just seemed to click right away. And now, going into our 2nd year of college, you're more than just my best friend; you're like my sister. I know we've had our ups and downs. I know we've grown together, apart, and back together again so often that it's almost become predictable. We've had our share of fights, but then again, all friends do. There were times, mostly back in middle school, when I worried I wasn't "cool enough" to be your friend, but you were there for me, and somehow we managed to stick it all out. I love you like a sister. I care about you. I'm always going to be here for you no matter what. When no one else is around, I'll still be there for you. I'll still be the shoulder you can cry on, the one you can tell everything to... because I know you'd do the same for me. And that's what friendship is. But now it's like you'r...

Yeah. Danny Noriega, The Danny Noriega , tweeted us. ♥

My sister and I made myspace accounts. Not long after that, our mom made a myspace. And our dad. And who knows what other family members. Mom said, long ago, that Nikki and I could only have facebook accounts if we added her as a friend. Then dad made a facebook. Then grandma. Then who knows what other family members. Now, I have a twitter. I've had a twitter since March last year, I think. And now my family is slowly, but surely, making their own twitter accounts and following me. (Note: Uncle John, I don't mind you following me :)) Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at them exactly, but twitter just seemed like *my* thing. There were things I posted on twitter that I would never post on facebook because my mom, or other family members, would see it. Twitter was like, my place I could vent about stuff, yes including my family and not have to worry about them reading it. I'm more myself on twitter than I am on ANY other website (with the exception of youtube...