Adventures of a Shockingly Average 30-Something

The title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with this post. It's just my favorite line from "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift ft. the Civil Wars, and I had no creative ideas as to what to title this post. Anyways. I can't wait to be back at school! Has it really only been 10 days that I've been home? Because it feels so much longer than that. I'm so bored here. I miss my friends from school. I miss doing school work. I miss hanging out with my roommate. I miss roommate/neighbor dates where Anna, Leeanna, and I hung out and watched movies and ate yummy cake from Cookies & Cream on campus. I miss playing Apples to Apples and hanging out in the middle of the hallway with everyone. I miss everything about school. Except for the food. And the fact that the cleaning lady obviously hates the girls on the 6th floor. Also, I want it to snow. It's not even cold enough to snow, and it's December 26th! What the heck is up with this?! I H...

This time last year, I was counting down the days until Christmas. Just four more to go. And you know what? It doesn't feel like Christmas at all. I mean... the tree is up and decorated, and the presents are under it. I've been listening to an insane amount of Christmas music all month (but then again, I listen to Christmas music all year round because I love it, so....) I got presents for the kids. I mailed Candis's on Monday; she should have it by tomorrow. And I'm giving Nathan and Trisha their's tomorrow, hopefully. If I see them, hopefully I will. I'm home, and with my family... but it just doesn't feel like Christmas. It doesn't feel all warm and Christmas-y. Maybe it's that there's no snow on the ground, it's almost 50 degrees outside, and thunder-storming. Hey, universe! I live in NEW YORK. It's DECEMBER. There's supposed to be SNOW on the ground. We're supposed to be getting SNOW STORMS, not thunderstorms....

Well, I'm finally done with my first semester of my junior year old college! My first semester at a 4 year school, instead of just a community college. My first semester away from home. My first semester at a school where I knew no one when I got here. And you know what? It wasn't that bad. In fact, it was pretty great. Not pretty great, really great. Yes, tears were shed when I first got here. I was alone for the first time and scared and I didn't know what to do. But those tears were gone so fast as I quickly made friends with some amazing people on my floor. At first, when I didn't have a roommate, I was lonely. I went to class, hung out with friends, and did school work during the day, but at night when everyone went back to their room with their roommate, I went back to an empty room. It was my side, and nothing. It was so sad and empty, and I hated it. I learned to enjoy the privacy, but I still wanted a roommate. Then a bit less than half-way through...

Dear Candis, I'm writing you another letter you won't ever read, but I just want to write it because when I write these letters to you, it feels like I'm talking to you again. God, I miss you so much, Candis. So much. You'll never even know how much. I got your Christmas present. The teddy bear I promised you? That's what I got for you. It's the singing one, the one that sings "I Will Always Love You." I have one, and you and TT and Nathan played with it about a year ago now. You three loved it. I got TT one for her birthday, and yours is going to be your Christmas present. It might be a little bit late though, and I'm sorry about that. I'm away at school, and I won't be able to send it to you until I get home in just about a week. A little less than a week, a few days. The picture with this post, Candis, is you from just about a year ago. It's from the day that you and brother and TT were playing with the singing teddy bea...

Too many nights of staying up until 1 or 2 or 3 in the morning are finally starting to catch up to me. I'm so tired. Last night was an early night, meaning I went to bed before 2 in the morning. Probably around 1:30ish. It was a homework until midnight kinda night. And, also, eating dinner at 10 at night has got to stop. There's no way this is healthy/normal/whatever. But it's cuz I don't eat lunch until 3ish, cuz that's when my friend Sam and I are both free to eat together. And then I'm not hungry for dinner at a half-way normal time, so I just end up going to late night (which is from 10 - 1 (or 2??)) for dinner. Ughh.. On the plus side of staying up so late, I got all my homework that's due today done last night. Which means, for the first time all semester, I'm not doing physics homework on the morning it's due. Which is good. I really hope we get our 3rd test back today. I feel really good about it, and I feel like I hopefully did ...

It's one AM again, and here I am again, posting on here with more of the randomness that comes to my mind. I was just reading a post from about a year ago , and it's crazy how different things are now. I almost feel like I'm not even the same person I was then. Maybe it's the people I'm with now. Maybe it's the school I'm at. Maybe it's... I don't even know. But all I do know, is I'm so glad I'm not at that point any more. I'm so happy here and now. And I think this is one of the things I like about keeping a blog. I can look back on the past, and know how I was feeling back then. That was the feelings and thoughts and words are never gone. I know you can't live in the past (and trust me, I don't want to relive how I was feeling this time last year), but it's still important to not forget the past, right? Because it's out pasts that make us who we are in the present. If anything in my past had been different, I...

It's Thursday night. Or, if you want to get technical about it, it's Friday morning. It's just about one in the morning. This time last week, I was doing laundry. My roommate and I had started our laundry at midnight, thinking no one else would be down there at midnight on a Thursday night. We were wrong, but oh well. And this is what I'm thinking about. I went ice skating with some of my friends tonight, and honestly, I don't know how I've gone so long without skating. I'm not good at it, not even close to being good at it, but I love it. I haven't skated since probably around the end of September, and I've missed it. I didn't even realize how much I'd missed it until I was out on the ice again. There's something about lacing up your skates and gliding over the ice. You know? There really truly is, and I can't describe it. It's such a free feeling. There's nothing else in the entire world that matters. Your art...

My art class. I give up on it. I'm not going to pass the class no matter what at this point, so there's really no point in doing it anymore. I have a 10 page paper due in that class on November 10th, and even if I do good on the paper, I'm not going to do good on the next test or the final, which means I won't pass the class. So why write the paper if I'm going to fail the class anyway? I'm to the point where I'm done with this class. I'm done. I give up. I'm not writing the paper. I'll still go to class, whatever, but I'm not doing the paper. I'm just so done with that class. I don't care about it anymore. I need to focus on my other classes and stop stressing over art. Because this art class doesn't matter. But my other classes do. So, art class, I'm done with you. In other news, it's Halloween today!!! :D Which means, obviously, that I'm wearing wizard robes today. You guys should know by now, I loo...

*talking to my specialization advisor about why I'm in the art class that I'm in.* Me: I dunno really, my other advisor just said I needed it so I said ok. Advisor: hmm.... *looks something up* You're probably in it because you need the WC. Me: What's WC? Advisor: Western Civilizations Me: .... I took a Western Civ class. Advisor: No, you.... Me: At [my other school]. I took it over the summer. Advisor: *looks something up* Oh, oh. You do already have your WC. I don't know why your other advisor said you needed it. It doesn't look like you do. Me: So... I know I need the art credit, and I honestly don't think I'm going to pass this class. I mean, I S/U'd it so it wouldn't affect my GPA, but I don't think I'm going to pass it.. So is there a different art class I could take that isn't.... anything like this one? Advisor: Well.... it looks like there's an Intro to Drama course you could take instead... but talk to you...

Dear Candis, It's been 8 months since you left New York. Well, exactly 8 months yesterday. I didn't forget, I just had no time to sit and write to you. I'm sorry, princess. I still miss you, baby girl. I think I always will. You were such a big part of my life for almost two years, and you being in my life changed me for the better. Well, you and Nathan and TT and Cameron. Not Cameron as much as the others, because he's older and not at Grammy's house as often. But you especially. You're so special to me, Candis Jade. I can't believe it's been eight months already. I wish I could stop counting the months like this, but I can't. Yet, anyway. Maybe in time, but not now. Now, around the 21st of each month, I can't help but to think about you and to hope you're doing ok and to hope more than anything in the world that you're happy. That's all I want, Candis, is for you to be safe and happy and loved. Sometimes, I think abo...

Ok, I have a lot to write, and not a lot of time to write it in. I have an 8AM class tomorrow, so I have to get up around 6:30ish. Which means I have to get to bed around 10:30ish. Ok anyway. Enough time talking about time. I'M TWENTY NOW!!! Ok, so I've been 20 for a week now... but yeah. Last time I wrote here, I was 19. Now I'm not. Because I'm 20. I was glad to spend my birthday at home. We celebrated it the night before at my grandparents house so that my aunt and uncle could go. We had steak!! Yummm! Then on my birthday, I went apple picking with a couple friends and then had lasagna (favorite food EVER) for dinner. Got back to school on the 11th, and then on the 13th (I think it was the 13th, anyway?) my friends here threw me a surprise party, which was awesome and fun. :) Got a 95 on my history midterm (Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!!) which is so freaking AWESOME!!! I hate history, and it's really not my best class (I've been averaging about a 75 on the q...

So... the days need to be like 4 hours longer. Break is Friday (we leave at like 5 at night, so I'll be home around 10), so I have to get everything that has to be done done tomorrow. So, along with 2 classes and a lab, I also have to do laundry, study images for art, and do my geography assignment for history. And at some point, it might be a good idea to eat lunch and dinner. Laundry is gonna take 38 minutes for the washer and 60 minutes for the dryer. But I can study while I do laundry. But EVERYONE is planning on doing laundry tomorrow, so I might end up doing it at like 10 at night. Or 11. I don't even know. And history has to be done in the history lab, I think. And it's probably gonna take like 2 and a half or 3 hours to do... So let's just assume 3. Cuz that's probably right. And studying for art has to get done sometime... hopefully. Ahhh I need more time! I need more hours in the day!

I'm gonna be TWENTY YEARS OLD soon!!! That's so freaking crazy! Like... really soon. See: October 10 - MY BIRTHDAY!!! October 9 - 1 day. October 8 - 2 days. October 7 - 3 days. October 6 - 4 days. October 5 - 5 days. (and my friend James's birthday, and my almost step-sister Courtney's birthday) October 4 - 6 days. October 3 - 7 days. October 2 - 8 days. October 1 - 9 days. September 30 - 10 days. September 29 - 11 days. I really shouldn't even count today, seeing as it'll be tomorrow in about 45 minutes.... so I'm going to be 20 in 10 days. Oh. My. God. I'm going to be old. Haha. I'm happy I'll be home for my birthday though. :) I get home around 9 at night on the 7th and then leave to go back to school around noon-ish on the 11th. So I'll be home all day the 8th, 9th, and 10th, and then the morning of the 11th. So I'll be home for my birthday. Which is good. There was a meeting for people who were just admitted into the Child...

I miss Nathan and Trisha so much. And Candis. But I know I'll see Nathan and TT soon; I don't know when, or if, I'll see Candis again. I don't think anyone knows just how hard it was for me to write that sentence, to write down that I don't even know if I'll see Candis again. My princess. I'm not giving up hope that she'll be at her grandmother's house again someday. It's been just over seven months now, since I've seen her. It's SO hard not being a part of her life anymore; I don't think anyone really truly understands that. I was such a huge part of her life since she was born, then her parents and her moved away.. and then came back, and I was a big part in her life again; and she was a big part of my life. She was pretty much my baby sometimes, that's how it felt. And now it's been seven months since her mom and her moved to Florida. Seven months since I've seen her. I still have the Dora and Tinkerbell stick...

The death penalty is SO wrong. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you did, NOBODY deserves to die. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Ghandi Why can't we live by that saying? They didn't even have proof that Troy Davis killed that police officer. I just finished reading an article about it, that said that the man who was with him the night that officer was shot admitted to shooting the officer. The supposed murder weapon was never found. 7 of the 9 eyewitnesses changed their stories to say what they said happened didn't happen. Even some of the jurors admitted that they'd changed their mind about his guilt. So what did they do? They executed him anyway. They couldn't prove he did it, and they killed him anyway. He spent 20 years in jail for a crime he might not have committed, and was killed last night for that crime. The crime he might not have even committed. Right up until he was MURDERED, he claimed innocence. I ...

I was going to write on here, and I even knew what I was going to write. Then I went and hung out with people instead, and now I'm just writing on here with no idea of what to write, simply because I said I'd write. My brain is so fried right now. I just need a good long sleep, one that's NOT interrupted by the fire alarm going off. This was my day today: 6:00 AM - wake up, eat breakfast 6:30 AM - shower, get dressed, pack my bag for class 7:40 AM - leave for class. 8:00 AM - 9:15 AM - art class (Survey Art: Renaissance - Modern Times) 9:30 AM - 10:45 AM psych class (Child Development Psychology) 11:00 AM - 12 noon - art homework (making flash cards to study with). 12:15 PM - lunch 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM - study for the art test Thursday morning. 4:10 PM - leave to go to the history computer lab 4:20 PM - 6:20 PM - history homework 6:30 PM - dinner 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM - lgbtaa 8:00 PM - 9:30 PM - physics homework 10:00 PM - late night (food.) 10:30 PM - 11:30 PM - reading / han...

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I feel like... I'm too tired to sleep. I love it here, I really really really do, but I'm SO tired. I'm staying up late every night, getting up early every morning, and staying busy all day everyday. I'm not used to this. At all. I feel like I could fall asleep, and just stay sleeping for an entire night and day. It's only been 2 weeks now, but it feels like it's been so much longer. I love it! I love being so close to everybody already. Like my one friend, Sam. I've known him for exactly 2 weeks now, and I already consider him to be one of my best friends. Not just best friends here on this floor, or here at college, but best friends in life. I trust him, you know? That terrifies me, that I trust someone so quickly. But I do. And I'm just gonna go with it, you know? Like... it scares me that I trust someone so much already, but I do, and I'm not gonna fight it. I should probably get some sleep....

I love the people on my floor. I love the friends I've made. I love my RA. I love playing Apples To Apples. I love laundry parties and homework parties. I love being on a substance free floor. I love inside jokes. I love staying up until 4 in the morning hanging out with people. I love being away from home. Basically, I love everything here. Except for my classes. I'm not a huge fan of them. Haha. Physics lecture is easy, but lab is a bitchhhhhh. Psych is boring because I've already taken that class (yay for getting super screwed over with credits when I transferred!!). Art is going to be hard, because it's a lot of memorization. History is hard because: a) it's history, b) it's a hybrid course that only meets in the classroom once a week, and c) I don't like the teacher's teaching style. But, yeah. Aside from classes, I really really really love it here. Before I got here, I was so scared about meeting people and making friends, but I really luc...

Dear Candis, This is another letter that you're never going to read, but I'm writing it anyway because I feel like this stuff needs to be said. It won't be as long as the other one I wrote you a while ago, but... yeah. Candis, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry bad things happen. I'm sorry things aren't perfect, and aren't as good as I hoped they would be. I'm sorry I can't be with you right now. I'm sorry I'm up in New York, and that there's nothing I can do to help you and make things better. I'm sorry I couldn't see the truth. I'm sorry I was wrong. I'm sorry I can't just give you a big hug and make everything perfect. I hope they're shielding you from everything, as much as they can. I wish none of it happened. I wish I could make everything right again for you. I would give anything, Candis, for things to be good for you again. Whatever happens, please know that you're loved. Know that you didn't...

Not that long ago, a month, heck maybe even just a couple weeks ago, I was absolutely terrified about going away to school. I was worried about everything, and really freaking out a bit. It all felt really... overwhelming, I guess is the word. I was scared. I was nervous. I was terrified. But I was EXCITED too. And now, now that I leave in 3 days (although right now, it's closer to 2 than 3), I'm strangely calm about leaving. It's just something that is , and nothing more. I don't feel scared or nervous, but in all honesty, I've lost some of the excitement too. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to leave (but I'm going to miss my friends so freaking much! Hell, I already miss Christina and Caitlin because I haven't seen them in so long! and I'm going to miss my mom, and Nathan and Trisha and Cameron, and even my sister (but DON'T tell her I said that)).. but yeah, I can't wait to leave, but I'm not as excited as I was about it b...

I don't understand, and I don't think I'll ever understand, why some people teach their kids that there's colors for girls and colors for boys, toys for girls and toys for boys, even TV shows for girls versus TV shows for boys. Not judging (ok, maybe I am a little..), but seriously?!? ----------------------------------- Conversation with Nathan (4 years old): Nathan picks up the orange basketball and then puts it down really fast, almost like he didn't want anyone to see him holding the orange one. He looks at the black basketball for a minute, sighs, and picks that one up to play with, but keeps looking back over at the orange one. Me (sensing that something is bothering him): What's up, bud? Nathan: I wanna play with the orange ball. Me: So why don't you play with it? Nathan (sighs again): It's a girl color. Me: No Nathan, boys and girls can both like orange. It's ok, you can play with it. Nathan: But then I'll be a girl... Me: Nathan, I pro...

We live in a society where kids are growing up way too fast. They don't seem to enjoy childhood, and instead seem to want to rush into adulthood as fast as their little legs can carry them. Or maybe it's the parents, pushing their little ones to grow up faster than they should. As an example, I think first of Suri Cruise. Back in 2009, when she was three years old , she was going out (with her parents, obviously) in high heels . Ok, point out to me that, they make high heels small enough for little kids, so why shouldn't she wear them? And I'll ask you, WHY do they make high heels for TODDLERS? It's not cute. It's inappropriate. Kids that young should be wearing sandals or sneakers or something other than heels. But let's move on. That was 2009. Moving on to the main point of this post. A ten year old French model, Thylane Lena-Rose Blondeau, somewhat recently did a photoshoot for the French version of Vogue magazine. The child was photograph...

"Don't be shy!" That's what people tell me if I ask for advice about how to make living on campus an easier transition to make. On August 26th I'll be moving in on campus. I'll be five hours away from everything that I know, and I know it's going to take me a bit before I'm comfortable being there. And so I ask people how to make it less difficult being away from home, and it's always the same. Always "Don't be shy!" But I've ALWAYS been shy. Since I was a little kid, in daycare! (Well, I don't know if you'd really call it daycare.. My mom watched other people's kids at our house. So I got to stay home with my mom, and other kids were just there.) But anyway. I've always been painfully, embarrassingly shy. And truth be told, I hate it. But I'm so uncomfortable and awkward around people I don't know. I am trying to not be so shy. At Columbia-Greene, I was a tutor. I had to talk to people I didn...

At the beginning of this summer, I made it my goal to read 10,000 pages. I move in at school on August 26th, so I'm counting that as my last day of summer. I've only read 7,429 pages so far. Which means I have just over a month to read another 2,571 pages. Ahhh!!

June 22nd, 2011. BEST night of my life, no joke. My best friend and I left around 2:30 to head over to Connecticut for the Taylor Swift concert at the XL Center in Hartford. The concert started at 7, and according to mapquest was just about 2 hours away from where we live. So that would get us there around 4:30, which is way early, but the two of us have a history of getting lost... even with using a GPS. Somehow, we managed something different this time - not getting lost! We stayed in the car until around 5:30 though because Cece's phone needed to charge. Got a little confused trying to find the venue after we left the car, but we finally found it. We got our picture taken by the inflatable heart hands. My shirt says "Long live all the mountains we moved!" and Cece's says "I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you!" Then we just walked around for a bit, and eventually made our way over to a merch stand, where I bought a Speak Now shirt an...

Today was the Pride parade and rally/festival in Hudson, but I couldn't go because I was sick. :( It really sucks because I was looking forward to going. It was gonna be even better than the one last year because last year was the first year they did it, and this year they had more time to plan and everything and it was going to be better than last year. Ugh. Sadness. I've been sick since Thursday night. I don't know what it is, I just feel like I'm going to throw up. Mom keeps telling me I need to eat, and I know I need to, and I have been eating... but every time I eat something, like 5 minutes later I feel like I'm 2 seconds away from throwing up. Then yesterday, I had a wicked bad headache. Like I couldn't even focus on anything; my head hurt SO bad, like it felt like right behind my eyes, and everything was blurry and my eyes like couldn't keep anything in focus. And every little sound hurt so bad and just made me want to scream. Or something...