Dear you, from me

Dear Candis,

I know you'll never read this because 1) you're two and most likely can't read yet; I don't know many (or, any, actually) two-years olds who can and 2) because even if you could read, I probably wouldn't show you this. But I want to write it anyway.

Anyways, Candis, you have no idea how much I miss you living at the apartment. I miss you. Your aunt misses you. TT misses you. Grammy and Nanny miss you. Brother misses you. Daddy misses you. I think you get the point; everyone here misses you so much. I know you're still little, and people think that you won't miss everyone here because you're so little that you'll probably forget us. But I know you won't. Remember when you and mommy and daddy moved to West Virginia for a few months? I missed you then too, and I was scared that you would forget me... but when you guys came back, you still knew who I was. And that made me so happy.

I don't know if this will ever be like that again, because I don't know if you and mommy are ever moving back to New York again, but I know that you still miss me. I have tears in my eyes right now, writing this. I don't want to cry, but I am. And I'm sorry about that. But anyway. When your aunt called mommy the other day so I could talk to you, I could tell that you missed me and still knew who I was. Two of the first words you said to me on the phone that day were "luh you!" (love you!).

I miss you so so so much, Candis. It hurts, how much I miss you. I feel like a part of me is gone. People say that I don't miss you like your family does, but I know I do. I know I miss you just as much as they do because family is the ones who are there for you no matter what. No, we're not related, but you're still my family. I wish that things were better here. I wish things were ok. I wish you and mommy had never left. I wish you and mommy could come back someday. You were such a big part of my life for so long. I knew when you guys left that I would cry and be upset and angry. I knew I would miss you. But I thought that as time went by, I might miss you guys less. But I don't. Miss you any less, that is.

I wish nothing but the best for you and for mommy. I hope that things are ok for you guys now; I hope everything is better than when you were up here. You're growing up so fast, and I hate missing out on it. But I know that things weren't the greatest for you and mommy here. I just hope they're better there.

When the "Surprised Kitty" video shows up in my suggestions box on youtube, I think about watching that video with you and TT, and your adorable "one more!" every time the video ended. Or that time when you told Grammy that you didn't want to go to McDonalds because you wanted to stay with your "Kimery," and TT said to me, "Candis likes you more than McDonalds." Or how about when I told you that you're too dang cute for your own good, and your response of "I know." Do you remember when you and TT "decorated" my laptop with your new stickers of Dora and Tinkerbell? I still have those stickers on my laptop. I'm not ever going to take them off.

I miss hearing your laugh and keeping an eye on you and TT when you guys played together. I miss you telling me you didn't want me to leave when it came time for you to go to bed and me to go back upstairs to my house. I miss being able to stop you from crying just by giving you a hug. I miss you walking over to me, putting your arms up and telling me you wanted "uppy" to get me to pick you up. I miss playing Ring Around The Rosie with you and brother and TT. I miss you always wanting to wear my sweatshirts because you liked that they had hoods, and I miss you wanting to walk about in my shoes all the time! I even miss when you and TT (and sometimes even brother) would make a mess with the toys and the DVDs and everything, and me being the one to clean it up.

This is getting long, so I'll wrap it up here. I know it's dumb, but you have no idea how much I wish that I could wake up in the morning and find out that it had all been a bad dream, and that you and mommy never actually left. I can't believe that on the 21st of this month, it will have been 3 months since you guys left! Time really did fly by so fast for me. You have to know that I was busy with school and everything, but I never once stopped missing you. You are such a smart little girl, and you're so special. Don't let anyone every make you think otherwise, ok? Promise me that no matter what happens in life, you're going to stay the sweet, silly, lovable, adorable person you are. Don't try to grow up so fast; you're only a kid once.

I miss you so freaking much, Candis. There's not even words. I hope you're doing good. I hope you and mommy are happy. I miss you, but I want what's best for you and I know that what's best isn't here. Not right now, anyway.

Love your Kimberly.

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