"These four walls came down around us."

Why does it feel like my grandma is the only one who really sees me when I'm at home? It's like she's the only one who notices anything at all. Like today at lunch, for example.

We (just my grandma and I) went out to lunch at Spring Garden, which I swear on my life has the BEST Chinese food I've ever had in my life.

Grandma: Why are you so angry here? What's going on?
me: I just hate it here. I hate being back here.
Grandma: Ok, but why? It's like you've got some unresolved issue you need to solve. To get out.. to... some issue that just needs to come out.
me: I just... I... they (my mom and sister) always make me so mad. I can't even like deal with it sometimes.
Grandma: Like what?
me: They pick on me. And I tell them to stop and they don't and then I react and they get mad. But isn't it not even my fault? If they don't, then why should they be mad at me for reacting?
Grandma: They do it because they know you react. Just ignore them and they'll stop eventually.
me: I hate it. I hate being home.
Grandma: Well that's a problem because I like you being here. What are you going to do over the summer?
me: I don't even know yet. I don't wanna be home, I know that much.
Grandma: Ok, so you'll have to find a summer job. Get out of the house and away as much as you can.
me: *nods*
Grandma: You know you can talk to me about absolutely anything, right? If you've got something you need to talk about... You're my first born grandchild and I'll always love you. You can't do anything to change that. And I don't have to say anything to your mother. Or to Pop.
me (quietly, looking at my food instead of at her): *nods* Ok.

She's the only one who really talks to me. She's the only one here who cares about me. She's the only one here who sees me, who notices anything about me. Everyone else just tolerates me, but they don't really want me here. They don't actually even care. Most of the time, I don't even think my mom loves me. She just wants to be rid of me. Everyone's happier when I'm away at school. So much happier.

One day, I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna leave and I'm not ever gonna come back. If I do, it'll only be to see my grandma. Or 2 of my friends. Someday, I'm gonna find someone who loves me. I need love, you know? To feel loved. To feel wanted. Everyone wants that. And here, at home, I don't feel that at all. I just feel alone. And I hate that feeling.

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