Why can't I get myself to speak up?
Sometimes - a lot of the time, actually - I think of how I should speak up and say something. But instead, I just get quiet and kind of take myself out of the conversation.
Today, I went to my sister's graduation party/moving-up-from-8th-grade party for my cousin. So from 2 in the afternoon until I got home around 9:30ish, I was around too many 12 - 18 year olds to count. The majority of the kids were my cousins' friends, so 13-15 year olds. And I got to listen to them talking to each other in that [sarcasm] oh-so-wonderful [/sarcasm] way ~14 year old kids do.
"You're so retarded!"
"God you're such a f**king retard!"
"Pick him last, he plays like a retard."
"Hahaha look at him playing on that digger thing like a retard."
"Look at the boys walking on top of the monkey bars. They're so retarded, they're gonna fall."
"Just go under the water and it won't feel as cold. Everyone knows that, what are you, a retard?"
"Why're you freaking out when the seaweed touches you? That's so retarded."
"Quit acting like a f**king retard already."
And I sat there listening to this all day, and couldn't get myself to say anything. I sat there getting more and more annoyed - at them (for talking like that), at myself (for not saying anything), at the adults around (for just laughing at how the kids were talking to each other). It's a word I don't use (or at least, that I try not to use anyway). It's a word I don't like, because I don't like the way it's used, don't like the way it encourages the [false] idea that people who are mentally challenged (I don't know what the politically correct term is! Please correct me, because I don't think that's the most PC term...) are somehow worth less than "typical" people.
And then there was a conversation I had tonight on the way home from my aunt's house, with one of my friends and her brother and sister. Her brother and my sister graduated high school on the 23rd. One of the girls in their graduating class has Down's Syndrome, and that's who the conversation ended up about. In this conversation, I'm putting her first initial instead of her name to protect her identity online. And when I say brother or sister, I'm referring to my friend's brother and sister.
Me: You know who I was SO proud of at the graduation? P.
Brother: For what?
Me: For graduating.
Brother: You know they have to graduate those kids though, right?
Friend: No they don't. They can fail them too.
Brother: No, they have to pass them.
Friend: What are you talking about??? What about NH? She was in high school right up until she turned 21 and they kicked her out!
Sister: N??? No, she's not like full on retarded.
Friend: NH. EH's sister. She f**king works at COARC now!
Sister: Ooooh, I thought you meant a different N. Yeah, NH is like fully retarded and they didn't graduate her.
Me: Whatever, I dunno, I was just really proud of P. Like... how far she's come. My grandma was saying she remembers back to their middle school graduation, and P had to have an adult there to, like, keep her in line and doing what she was supposed to.
Friend: Oh my gosh, I remember that too! And she just pouted the whole time because she couldn't do what she wanted to.
Me: Right, and at this one, she was really good and you could tell she was so so so happy and excited!
Brother: Yeah, but still. They basically have to graduate them no matter what.
Friend: No they don't! They still have to do the work and pass their classes. Just because they get help to the point where they don't even have to write for themselves, all they have to do is say it and someone else writes it and they get longer - a lot longer - for tests... they still have to pass everything to graduate.
Brother: They don't have to take the Regents!
Friend: They get longer to take them.
Brother: And they're not even in normal classes anyway. The school puts them in easy classes so they can pass...
Look, I was just so proud of this kid. And the whole conversation basically turned into a "it's not fair" thing. Really? It's not "fair" that they get longer for tests? It's not "fair" that they get accommodations so that they can be the best they can be in school? Ugh! What's not fair is how their peers who act so nice to their face turn around and talk crap behind their backs. What's not fair is how hard these kids work, just to have their efforts be squashed by the kids who say that it doesn't matter because those were "easy" classes anyway. That's what's not fair. People thinking less of people who are in some way disabled, that's what's not fair.
I wish people would think before they talked. I wish people would think about how their words could affect other people. I wish people could see other people for who they are. I wish people could just be proud of people, without having to downplay the person's accomplishment. I wish I had the guts to stand up and say something.
Today, I went to my sister's graduation party/moving-up-from-8th-grade party for my cousin. So from 2 in the afternoon until I got home around 9:30ish, I was around too many 12 - 18 year olds to count. The majority of the kids were my cousins' friends, so 13-15 year olds. And I got to listen to them talking to each other in that [sarcasm] oh-so-wonderful [/sarcasm] way ~14 year old kids do.
"You're so retarded!"
"God you're such a f**king retard!"
"Pick him last, he plays like a retard."
"Hahaha look at him playing on that digger thing like a retard."
"Look at the boys walking on top of the monkey bars. They're so retarded, they're gonna fall."
"Just go under the water and it won't feel as cold. Everyone knows that, what are you, a retard?"
"Why're you freaking out when the seaweed touches you? That's so retarded."
"Quit acting like a f**king retard already."
And I sat there listening to this all day, and couldn't get myself to say anything. I sat there getting more and more annoyed - at them (for talking like that), at myself (for not saying anything), at the adults around (for just laughing at how the kids were talking to each other). It's a word I don't use (or at least, that I try not to use anyway). It's a word I don't like, because I don't like the way it's used, don't like the way it encourages the [false] idea that people who are mentally challenged (I don't know what the politically correct term is! Please correct me, because I don't think that's the most PC term...) are somehow worth less than "typical" people.
And then there was a conversation I had tonight on the way home from my aunt's house, with one of my friends and her brother and sister. Her brother and my sister graduated high school on the 23rd. One of the girls in their graduating class has Down's Syndrome, and that's who the conversation ended up about. In this conversation, I'm putting her first initial instead of her name to protect her identity online. And when I say brother or sister, I'm referring to my friend's brother and sister.
Me: You know who I was SO proud of at the graduation? P.
Brother: For what?
Me: For graduating.
Brother: You know they have to graduate those kids though, right?
Friend: No they don't. They can fail them too.
Brother: No, they have to pass them.
Friend: What are you talking about??? What about NH? She was in high school right up until she turned 21 and they kicked her out!
Sister: N??? No, she's not like full on retarded.
Friend: NH. EH's sister. She f**king works at COARC now!
Sister: Ooooh, I thought you meant a different N. Yeah, NH is like fully retarded and they didn't graduate her.
Me: Whatever, I dunno, I was just really proud of P. Like... how far she's come. My grandma was saying she remembers back to their middle school graduation, and P had to have an adult there to, like, keep her in line and doing what she was supposed to.
Friend: Oh my gosh, I remember that too! And she just pouted the whole time because she couldn't do what she wanted to.
Me: Right, and at this one, she was really good and you could tell she was so so so happy and excited!
Brother: Yeah, but still. They basically have to graduate them no matter what.
Friend: No they don't! They still have to do the work and pass their classes. Just because they get help to the point where they don't even have to write for themselves, all they have to do is say it and someone else writes it and they get longer - a lot longer - for tests... they still have to pass everything to graduate.
Brother: They don't have to take the Regents!
Friend: They get longer to take them.
Brother: And they're not even in normal classes anyway. The school puts them in easy classes so they can pass...
Look, I was just so proud of this kid. And the whole conversation basically turned into a "it's not fair" thing. Really? It's not "fair" that they get longer for tests? It's not "fair" that they get accommodations so that they can be the best they can be in school? Ugh! What's not fair is how their peers who act so nice to their face turn around and talk crap behind their backs. What's not fair is how hard these kids work, just to have their efforts be squashed by the kids who say that it doesn't matter because those were "easy" classes anyway. That's what's not fair. People thinking less of people who are in some way disabled, that's what's not fair.
I wish people would think before they talked. I wish people would think about how their words could affect other people. I wish people could see other people for who they are. I wish people could just be proud of people, without having to downplay the person's accomplishment. I wish I had the guts to stand up and say something.
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