Sick :( And lots of other random stuff too.

Today was the Pride parade and rally/festival in Hudson, but I couldn't go because I was sick. :( It really sucks because I was looking forward to going. It was gonna be even better than the one last year because last year was the first year they did it, and this year they had more time to plan and everything and it was going to be better than last year. Ugh. Sadness.

I've been sick since Thursday night. I don't know what it is, I just feel like I'm going to throw up. Mom keeps telling me I need to eat, and I know I need to, and I have been eating... but every time I eat something, like 5 minutes later I feel like I'm 2 seconds away from throwing up. Then yesterday, I had a wicked bad headache. Like I couldn't even focus on anything; my head hurt SO bad, like it felt like right behind my eyes, and everything was blurry and my eyes like couldn't keep anything in focus. And every little sound hurt so bad and just made me want to scream. Or something. Mom said it was a migraine. She said I used to get them all the time when I was a kid, but I don't remember my head ever hurting that bad before. So I went to sleep early, around 9:30 and then woke up around 8:30ish this morning. I felt normal when I woke up, but then I ate breakfast (a piece of bread and a glass of water, which is what my mom said to have since I wasn't feeling good the day before), and after breakfast I was almost throwing up again. It's gotta be some stomach bug or something. It sucks. I just want to feel better. So I'm just sitting here right now, sipping mint flavored tea because I heard that's good for an upset stomach.

I really hope I'm feeling better by Wednesday. That's the Taylor Swift concert, and I'm not missing it. Even if I'm still not feeling 100%, I'm going. And I'm going to have a good time. And it's going to be the best day of my life. I know some people who go to her concerts want to get noticed by her and they want to meet her and they want to get picked for the T-Party and everything, but if you want my real honest truth - yeah any of that would be great, but I just want to see her. To see her in concert. That's my dream. That's been my dream since I first heard her music, since I first saw her, since I first got one of her CDs. And seeing her on June 22nd, Wednesday, that's going to be a dream come true for me. Would I love to meet her? Yes. Would it be amazing to get picked for the T-Party? Of course. But I'll be happy without that too. I'll be so happy just to see her. I don't know if any other fans feel that way, but that's how I feel.

I'm going to dad's on the 30th, and I'll be there until July 11th. It'll be good to get away from New York for a bit.

I'm going to miss Nathan and Trisha so freaking much when I go off to college in the fall. I mean, I knew I was going to miss them... but it hit me the other day how much I'm really truly going to miss those kids. They're my whole entire world. They're my little adventurers and monster hunters and they're the best kids in the whole universe. Trisha is gonna be 3 at the end of August. Her birthday is the same day that I move into the dorm at school. They're going to have her party before I go, which I think is so so sooo sweet of them to do. I'm giving her a Rainbow Bear for her birthday. I have one, and she loves it. She thinks it's about the coolest thing in the world, so I'm giving her one. She went down the big slide at the park all by herself for the first time not that long ago. I was (and am) so proud of her for doing it. And then, last time we were at the park, she climbed up the like chain thingy that you can climb up on the playground (sorry, I have no idea how to describe it or what it's called) by herself. I mean, I stood right behind her so I could catch her if she fell, but she didn't fall. She did it. By herself. I love that she's finally starting to do things like that.

And Nathan, he's growing up so fast. He's my baby, he's been my baby since he was 2. It's actually been just about two years now since I first met him and he wanted to be my best friend just because I had a SpongeBob t-shirt on. I was helping him ride his bike the other day -- a two wheel bike! Without training wheels! I mean, he can't do it on his own yet, but soon enough, he will! I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to him and Trisha. Because it's like... what if while I'm away at college, they move away? I don't want goodbye to be forever.

It's been almost four months now since Candis and her mom left. On the 21st, it'll be four months. Her mom sends me pictures of her - she's getting so big; she's going to be tall! She's going to be so beautiful when she grows up. I've talked to her on the phone a few times, and she always tells me that she misses me. Is it too honest to say it breaks my heart a little each time I hear her tell me she misses me? Or when she says she misses her "brudder" (brother. Nathan.)? I hate when people say that little kids won't remember things, because they do. Candis remembers her life up here in NY. She remembers me. She remembers Nathan. She remembers her cousins, "Camee" (Cameron) and "TT" (Trisha). But anyway. Four months already. Leaving here, I hate to say it, but it was a good thing for her and her mom. She's doing good, and she's so happy. She's got this really big happy smile that she does, we called it her "cheese face" when she was up here, and it used to be that for the most part, she only did it when she was with me. I mean, she did it when I wasn't around too, but her mom even said, she always had the biggest, happiest, smiles on her face when she was around me. But anyways, point behind the story is that she smiles her cheese face a lot now. Like really a lot. Which is definitely a good thing.

I'm kinda really stressing out about leaving in the fall. I'm so scared. I'll never ever ever admit that out loud, but I'm so scared. I'm going to be 5 hours away from everything and everyone that I know. I'm going to be staying in a dormroom. I'll have a roommate. Everything is going to be different and I try, I try, to put on a brave face and say I'm excited and even though a part of me is excited about this whole experience, a bigger part of me is terrified. There, I said it. Finally. But I'm not saying it outloud. I'm not admitting it to other people. If you know me in real life, and you read this, please know that I don't want to talk about it. I hate admitting things like that. But I had to get it off my chest.

I feel like this entry is getting long, so I'll stop here.