More 1AM randomness

It's one AM again, and here I am again, posting on here with more of the randomness that comes to my mind.

I was just reading a post from about a year ago, and it's crazy how different things are now. I almost feel like I'm not even the same person I was then. Maybe it's the people I'm with now. Maybe it's the school I'm at. Maybe it's... I don't even know. But all I do know, is I'm so glad I'm not at that point any more. I'm so happy here and now. And I think this is one of the things I like about keeping a blog. I can look back on the past, and know how I was feeling back then. That was the feelings and thoughts and words are never gone. I know you can't live in the past (and trust me, I don't want to relive how I was feeling this time last year), but it's still important to not forget the past, right? Because it's out pasts that make us who we are in the present. If anything in my past had been different, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. And I like who I am today; I don't want to be anybody else.

When I write, especially in Break Me, all of my characters start out as being based on me. Or, well, not me exactly... but more like bits and pieces of me. Like I'll take a feeling I have or a thought, and that develops into a character. Or something that I'm afraid of will be something one of my characters is afraid of. There is a death scene in Break Me, and it's one that really hits Jayla (my main character) hard and really makes her think a lot about like, like where is she going? And why? Why is she here? Why was it him and not her? And I think I wrote that scene because death is something I'm afraid of. It's not something you ever sit down and think about, but this forces her to. But anyway. Sometimes I wonder if people who read it will be able to tell what about my characters was based off me. And I mean loosely based off (is it based off? or based on? Cuz I've heard both used. And I've used both, right in this very paragraph), really insanely loosely based off/on. I just wonder, you know?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Little Me - Letter(s) to my younger self

Image
Dear Little Me, You're three.  You've just become a big sister, so life is changing so much right now.  It's okay.  You're so smart, smarter than a 3 year old really has any right to be.  The world is big, and you're so little - and you discovered that books are an escape from everything, even though you don't know yet that that's what you're doing, escaping from the confusing and ever changing world into the familiarity of your books.  Hop on Pop never changes no matter how many times you read it.  One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish is the same story every time.  Fox In Socks? Green Eggs & Ham?  The entire series of Spot the dog books?  No matter how big or loud or scary the world is, they stay the same and there’s something comforting about that.  Something about that feels safe and just feels right.  And that's okay.  There isn't anything wrong with you.  You're autistic; you just don't know it yet. Don't Take Th...
Read more

Eight Months Later

Image
Eight months ago today, I was diagnosed as autistic.  And some days I feel like I’m still processing that diagnosis.  It’s something that, for so long, I had thought/suspected about myself and I thought, because I’d thought it for so long, that that knowing wouldn’t change anything.  And in some ways, most ways, nothing in my life has changed except that   I   know now and so do other people.  I mean, I’d started accommodating myself before that diagnosis – I got a weighted blanket for when I was experiencing anxiety or restlessness or just couldn’t sleep; I bought Loop earplugs to help with noise and started wearing them to things like concerts or hockey games or even the plays that we go to; I keep fidget toys at my desk at work; hell I even started keeping my hair short so it wouldn’t be   touching  me because I hate that sensory experience so much – so in my head, I thought it would be the same, I’d just be more knowledgeable about myself....
Read more

The Next President...

I didn't sleep last night; I was too afraid that America was going to make the worst possible decision.  And we did.  Somehow, Donald Trump became the president-elect.  Somehow, enough people actually voted for him.  Somehow, people support his racism , sexism , homophobia , Islamophobia .  Somehow, people were able to look past not only the fact that he has virtually no political experience and was the least qualified candidate for the job, but they were also able to look past the way he treats women and the fact that he's sexually assaulted multiple women.  (Wondering why it takes people so long to come forward about abuse?  Because we live in a country where their assailant can become leader of the free world.) A Trump presidency scares me so much. It’s not solely because of him, not only because he’s a republican, but because we’re going to spend the next four years with a republican-controlled house and senate. Because the Trump and Pence are...
Read more