I just can't talk in front of people.
I had a presentation to do in my Children's Lit class this morning. I was doing a cut story (a story telling method, where you tell a story and as you go, you cut out pictures of things in the story). I was prepared. I knew the book (The Hungry Fox and the Foxy Duck) by heart. I knew what I had to do. I had the timing all figured out for cutting out the pictures. I was so ready to do it.
I woke up this morning wide awake and ready to present. As I was getting dressed, brushing my teeth, you know all the getting ready in the morning stuff, I kept going through the story in my head.
I walked to class, and as I walked I was saying the story out loud to myself. I did it a couple times, and didn't mess up. I had this. I was going to do fine.
I got to class, went to my seat. I was feeling a little nervous, but not bad. I knew the story. I knew what I had to do. I was going to do fine.
My name was called to present second, and once I got up in front of the class, my mind went blank. I tried to smile. Took a deep, shaky, breath. Told myself to calm down, and that I had this. That I could do it. But I couldn't. I couldn't talk right, mixed my words up at first. I started telling the story, but couldn't get the words right. I was shaking so bad because of nervousness, and couldn't get the timing right for cutting the pictures out. (Shaky hands + scissors probably aren't the best combination...) I took another breath, apologized for messing up (which, apologizing just made me more nervous that I was going to mess up again) and started over. But this time I was more nervous and stuttered a bit, which I don't know if people in my class noticed, but I did, and I could barely get the first few words of the book out.
Finally my teacher said I could have the book open to help me, if that would make it easier. So I did that, but the pages in the book kept going back, which freaked me out more. One of the girls sitting in the front row got up and held the book open to the right pages for me, which I was so grateful to her for doing that for me. I kept having to look at the book to get the words right.
God I apologized so many times for messing up. My friend who I sit by, after I presented she told me that once I got started, I did good. She said that once it clicked, you could tell it did and after that I did fine. But I still feel like I did terribly. Which sucks. I knew the book so well, right up until I got in front of everyone.
I can talk in front of kids no problem. If I was telling that story to a bunch a like 4 or 5 or 6 year olds, I would have been fine. But to people my own age... I just can't. It's embarrassing how bad I freeze up once I get in front of people. It was different in that Public Communication class I did at CoGreene. There were like 12 people in that class, and we were all close to each other. That teacher really like, fostered a friendship among the whole class, and that made presenting a lot easier because it was like talking in front of your friends. But this class... the teacher is great, but the class isn't as close as that class, and it's not like talking in front of just your friends. It's like talking in front of a bunch of people you've never met before, and that makes me so uncomfortable. I don't know why. It just does. And it doesn't seem to be getting any easier the more I do it.
I woke up this morning wide awake and ready to present. As I was getting dressed, brushing my teeth, you know all the getting ready in the morning stuff, I kept going through the story in my head.
I walked to class, and as I walked I was saying the story out loud to myself. I did it a couple times, and didn't mess up. I had this. I was going to do fine.
I got to class, went to my seat. I was feeling a little nervous, but not bad. I knew the story. I knew what I had to do. I was going to do fine.
My name was called to present second, and once I got up in front of the class, my mind went blank. I tried to smile. Took a deep, shaky, breath. Told myself to calm down, and that I had this. That I could do it. But I couldn't. I couldn't talk right, mixed my words up at first. I started telling the story, but couldn't get the words right. I was shaking so bad because of nervousness, and couldn't get the timing right for cutting the pictures out. (Shaky hands + scissors probably aren't the best combination...) I took another breath, apologized for messing up (which, apologizing just made me more nervous that I was going to mess up again) and started over. But this time I was more nervous and stuttered a bit, which I don't know if people in my class noticed, but I did, and I could barely get the first few words of the book out.
Finally my teacher said I could have the book open to help me, if that would make it easier. So I did that, but the pages in the book kept going back, which freaked me out more. One of the girls sitting in the front row got up and held the book open to the right pages for me, which I was so grateful to her for doing that for me. I kept having to look at the book to get the words right.
God I apologized so many times for messing up. My friend who I sit by, after I presented she told me that once I got started, I did good. She said that once it clicked, you could tell it did and after that I did fine. But I still feel like I did terribly. Which sucks. I knew the book so well, right up until I got in front of everyone.
I can talk in front of kids no problem. If I was telling that story to a bunch a like 4 or 5 or 6 year olds, I would have been fine. But to people my own age... I just can't. It's embarrassing how bad I freeze up once I get in front of people. It was different in that Public Communication class I did at CoGreene. There were like 12 people in that class, and we were all close to each other. That teacher really like, fostered a friendship among the whole class, and that made presenting a lot easier because it was like talking in front of your friends. But this class... the teacher is great, but the class isn't as close as that class, and it's not like talking in front of just your friends. It's like talking in front of a bunch of people you've never met before, and that makes me so uncomfortable. I don't know why. It just does. And it doesn't seem to be getting any easier the more I do it.
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