I miss you.

I miss you.  I miss you.  I miss you.  I miss you.
I can't even say it enough times.
I just miss you, ok?  I'm ok writing this because I'm pretty sure you won't read it anyway.  And if you do, you won't know it's you.  Maybe.  You might, actually.

I can't wait until I'm home for the summer and I can see you again.  I love hanging out with you.  I love spending time with you.  You can always get me to smile, and I love that.  And I hope I can make you smile too.

I was looking through pictures on facebook yesterday, at silly pictures we took together.  I smiled and laughed at the memory.  Smiled at what you wrote in my high school yearbook, remembered that too.

Ok, this is Taylor Swift lyrics, but they're true, ok?  "I'm only up when you're not down / don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground / it's like no matter what I do" and then from later in the song "I'm only me / who I wanna be / Well I'm only me when I'm with you".  And it's true.  God, this post is so terribly written, and I should be working on my 10 page paper that's due on Wednesday, but I don't care.  I don't care how badly this is written, I just want to write it.  Because I want you to know.  I want you to know that I'm so comfortable being me when I'm with you.  I'm less afraid of the world when we're spending time together.  When we're hanging out, when we're together, I feel like nothing in the world could ever go wrong.

When I'm having a crap day, I just want to spend time with you because that makes everything better.  It makes the world feel right.  And I wonder if it's the same for you too?

I just miss you.  That's all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Little Me - Letter(s) to my younger self

Image
Dear Little Me, You're three.  You've just become a big sister, so life is changing so much right now.  It's okay.  You're so smart, smarter than a 3 year old really has any right to be.  The world is big, and you're so little - and you discovered that books are an escape from everything, even though you don't know yet that that's what you're doing, escaping from the confusing and ever changing world into the familiarity of your books.  Hop on Pop never changes no matter how many times you read it.  One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish is the same story every time.  Fox In Socks? Green Eggs & Ham?  The entire series of Spot the dog books?  No matter how big or loud or scary the world is, they stay the same and there’s something comforting about that.  Something about that feels safe and just feels right.  And that's okay.  There isn't anything wrong with you.  You're autistic; you just don't know it yet. Don't Take Th...
Read more

Eight Months Later

Image
Eight months ago today, I was diagnosed as autistic.  And some days I feel like I’m still processing that diagnosis.  It’s something that, for so long, I had thought/suspected about myself and I thought, because I’d thought it for so long, that that knowing wouldn’t change anything.  And in some ways, most ways, nothing in my life has changed except that   I   know now and so do other people.  I mean, I’d started accommodating myself before that diagnosis – I got a weighted blanket for when I was experiencing anxiety or restlessness or just couldn’t sleep; I bought Loop earplugs to help with noise and started wearing them to things like concerts or hockey games or even the plays that we go to; I keep fidget toys at my desk at work; hell I even started keeping my hair short so it wouldn’t be   touching  me because I hate that sensory experience so much – so in my head, I thought it would be the same, I’d just be more knowledgeable about myself....
Read more

The Next President...

I didn't sleep last night; I was too afraid that America was going to make the worst possible decision.  And we did.  Somehow, Donald Trump became the president-elect.  Somehow, enough people actually voted for him.  Somehow, people support his racism , sexism , homophobia , Islamophobia .  Somehow, people were able to look past not only the fact that he has virtually no political experience and was the least qualified candidate for the job, but they were also able to look past the way he treats women and the fact that he's sexually assaulted multiple women.  (Wondering why it takes people so long to come forward about abuse?  Because we live in a country where their assailant can become leader of the free world.) A Trump presidency scares me so much. It’s not solely because of him, not only because he’s a republican, but because we’re going to spend the next four years with a republican-controlled house and senate. Because the Trump and Pence are...
Read more