I miss last year.

I know you can't spend your life living in the past, but I really really really miss my floor from last year.  I miss my friends from last year.  I miss the way things were here last year.

Last year, my floor was all so close to each other -- with a couple exceptions, which, looking back now, really weren't that bad.  There was stupid drama, but at least last year I felt like I fit in somewhere.

This year... I really don't feel like I fit in here any more.  I have a couple friends in some of my classes.  Not friends.  Not yet.  More like, I have a couple people I'm ok at talking to.  Last year, I fit in so perfectly on my floor, with those people.  At least, I felt like I did.  This year, everyone one my floor kinda keeps to themselves.  I don't know anyone, except for my roommate and 2 people I met last year.  And it seems like no one on this floor even wants to be friends.  I'm so incredibly, embarrassingly, awkward around people I don't know.  So when I actually have the guts to try to make conversation with someone, it's a pretty big freaking deal for me.  I feel like I can't talk to anyone on this floor.  I've tried.  They end the conversation practically before it begins, and what are you supposed to do at that point?  If I say hi to any of them in the hallway, they just give me a weird look like I'm speaking in some other freaking language or something.

I don't like it here this semester.  I say I do.  I say I'm happy.  I say how much I love it here.... because I'm expected to.  How do I explain?  I'm... happier here than I am when I'm at home.  I like being away from home.  Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and my grandparents and whatnot, but I really love being away from them.  And last year, I was so happy here.  This year... I'm just not.  I know it's only 2 weeks into the semester, but still.  Last year, so far, was a lot better.

And I can't even say anything about any of this to the few people I am still friends with here (our group from last year kinda fell apart when this year started) because I'm not the person who complains.  I'm the hyper little happy smiling person who laughs and jokes around and cheers other people up and hugs people when they're sad.  I'm not the one who complains.  I'm the girl who pastes a smile onto her face and is overly hyper 99% of the time because it's the one way she knows how to pretend to be happy.

I kinda wanna just go home.

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