Healing Stones
Back a couple months ago (February), I went to a 30 hour famine to protest world hunger with one of the clubs I'm in at school and a local youth group. It was a ton of fun, and one of the things we did in the morning was make healing stones. They're these clear stones with a word glued to to bottom, so you see the word through the stone. They have words like "faith," "hope," "love," and others like that. We made just over 200 stones to give to people in hospice, and we each made a few for ourselves. I made two for my (ex)neighbor's little girls, with their names written. I sent them down to Candis for her birthday, along with a few books I'd bought for her at the book fair (my college hosted a scholastic book fair back in March). I also made one for my roommate.
The one I made to keep for myself says "Fearless." And yes, that is the title of a Taylor Swift song and album, but that's not (entirely) what I made it for. I made it with that word specifically because I am such a shy person. I can be so quiet. I get so afraid of everything, and sometimes I really just need to be reminded to just be fearless, even if it's just for a minute.
Honestly when I first made it, I was kind of like "meh, whatever" about it, not thinking at all that a little stone with a hand-written word written on paper and glued to the bottom of a dollar-store stone would make any sort of difference in my life. I didn't think I would ever even look at the stone after the fast ended. To be completely honest, I made it because others in the club I'm in were doing it. It seemed like a good idea to make them for other people, but for myself? I just couldn't see it.
And yet, I carry that stone in my backpack. The end of February and all through March, during the four weeks I was in that first grade classroom, I carried that stone with me each day that I was in the classroom. I don't know why, but I felt comforted just having in in my pocket, having it with me. The day that I presented my lesson to the class, I was so indescribably nervous. Do you know the kind of nervous where you're so sure you're just going to break down and cry for any little reason? But you can't break down because you have twenty 7-year-olds depending on you? I was that kind of nervous on that day. Before I presented my lesson, when I was alone in the classroom for a minute before the students go back from lunch, I took my healing stone out of my pocket and just squeezed my hand around it as tight as I could, and I swear it was like I could feel something come over me. I looked down at the word and remembered to be Fearless. And I made it through that lesson just fine. I actually had a great time, and despite the fact that I was still nervous, I was also Fearless.
I need to take a course over the summer. I don't know if you guys know this, but I can not talk on the phone unless it's, like, to my parents or my grandma. I get so ridiculously nervous that it is pathetic -- Even when my mom used to work at KAZ, and I would call her to ask her something, the person would answer the phone and even though I knew my mom's extension number, I would be like "Um, hi. Can I, um.. I mean, I'm calling... I, um... Extension 295 please?". I stutter a bit and say "um" way too much; it's bad. But I had to call to register for that class. I held the stone the entire time I was on the phone, and I was fine. I wasn't nervous or anything, and I was actually able to talk to someone who I didn't know.
I'm applying to student teach in Australia, and I need two letters of recommendation. Both of the teachers who I asked if they would write a letter of recommendation for me, they said they would be happy to. But both times before asking, I was kind of nervous and uncomfortable about asking (the "what if they say no?" thought wouldn't leave my mind) but I took the stone from my backpack, squeezed it in my hand, then put it in my pocket to remind myself to be Fearless. Both times, with the stone in my pocket, I was fine asking them about the letter. And I know that if I do get selected to go to Australia, I will bring the stone with me.
At first, the idea of healing stones seemed a bit... strange to me. I just couldn't see it. I just didn't get it. But I swear there is something about them. I'm so glad I kept the Fearless stone. It's a word I need. Taylor has a quote where she says that Fearless isn't the absence of fear; it's being terrified, but jumping anyway. And that's what I need to remember. That's what my Fearless stone reminds me.
I am so glad I made that stone.
The one I made to keep for myself says "Fearless." And yes, that is the title of a Taylor Swift song and album, but that's not (entirely) what I made it for. I made it with that word specifically because I am such a shy person. I can be so quiet. I get so afraid of everything, and sometimes I really just need to be reminded to just be fearless, even if it's just for a minute.
Honestly when I first made it, I was kind of like "meh, whatever" about it, not thinking at all that a little stone with a hand-written word written on paper and glued to the bottom of a dollar-store stone would make any sort of difference in my life. I didn't think I would ever even look at the stone after the fast ended. To be completely honest, I made it because others in the club I'm in were doing it. It seemed like a good idea to make them for other people, but for myself? I just couldn't see it.
And yet, I carry that stone in my backpack. The end of February and all through March, during the four weeks I was in that first grade classroom, I carried that stone with me each day that I was in the classroom. I don't know why, but I felt comforted just having in in my pocket, having it with me. The day that I presented my lesson to the class, I was so indescribably nervous. Do you know the kind of nervous where you're so sure you're just going to break down and cry for any little reason? But you can't break down because you have twenty 7-year-olds depending on you? I was that kind of nervous on that day. Before I presented my lesson, when I was alone in the classroom for a minute before the students go back from lunch, I took my healing stone out of my pocket and just squeezed my hand around it as tight as I could, and I swear it was like I could feel something come over me. I looked down at the word and remembered to be Fearless. And I made it through that lesson just fine. I actually had a great time, and despite the fact that I was still nervous, I was also Fearless.
I need to take a course over the summer. I don't know if you guys know this, but I can not talk on the phone unless it's, like, to my parents or my grandma. I get so ridiculously nervous that it is pathetic -- Even when my mom used to work at KAZ, and I would call her to ask her something, the person would answer the phone and even though I knew my mom's extension number, I would be like "Um, hi. Can I, um.. I mean, I'm calling... I, um... Extension 295 please?". I stutter a bit and say "um" way too much; it's bad. But I had to call to register for that class. I held the stone the entire time I was on the phone, and I was fine. I wasn't nervous or anything, and I was actually able to talk to someone who I didn't know.
I'm applying to student teach in Australia, and I need two letters of recommendation. Both of the teachers who I asked if they would write a letter of recommendation for me, they said they would be happy to. But both times before asking, I was kind of nervous and uncomfortable about asking (the "what if they say no?" thought wouldn't leave my mind) but I took the stone from my backpack, squeezed it in my hand, then put it in my pocket to remind myself to be Fearless. Both times, with the stone in my pocket, I was fine asking them about the letter. And I know that if I do get selected to go to Australia, I will bring the stone with me.
At first, the idea of healing stones seemed a bit... strange to me. I just couldn't see it. I just didn't get it. But I swear there is something about them. I'm so glad I kept the Fearless stone. It's a word I need. Taylor has a quote where she says that Fearless isn't the absence of fear; it's being terrified, but jumping anyway. And that's what I need to remember. That's what my Fearless stone reminds me.
I am so glad I made that stone.
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