Is summer over yet?
I've come to the conclusion that it's not the school part of school that I miss, it's the people.
And being around people who are there no matter what time it is, just there to listen. People who have literally seen you break down crying like there isn't going to be a tomorrow. People who know that you are broken and screwed up, and who like you anyway. People who will just listen because that's all you really need, and they know that. Who give advice and listen to what you are saying without judging you. I got home on the 18th, which isn't even a week ago, so it's crazy that I miss it all that much. But I think I miss it because I know I won't get it again until the Summer finally ends. I'm homesick for a place that isn't home, but feels more like it that home actually does.
I want to be able to just text someone and go out somewhere. Not parties or anything like that, because that's just not what I'm into. But just to walk around campus just to talk. I want to go out and watch the stars and talk about nothing and everything, all the topics that come up at ridiculous times in the morning.
I miss the people in the clubs I'm in, and that really sucks because I know that some of those people graduated this year and I won't see them around campus anymore. One of them, he was one of my very first friends at Potsdam. He was my RA my first year there, and this past year we didn't hang out very much (or at all, really) but I just liked knowing that he was there. Knowing that I had a friend there. I mean, I know I've got other friends, but... I don't know how to word this. I felt really... safe, I guess is the right word, around him and it was kind of comforting just knowing that he was there. And he graduated this year. I'm happy for him, I really am, but I'm going to miss seeing him around campus. He always had a smile and even if I was having a bad day, and trying to hide the fact that I was having a bad day, I would see him in passing and he would smile a hello and something in his smile just let me know that everything would be fine. I'm really going to miss that next year. But he's not going to see this, I'm assuming, so he's not going to know any of what I just said. So I don't know why I typed it.
But anyway. Clubs. I'm in 3 different clubs, one on Mondays, one on Tuesdays, and one on Thursdays. The Monday one, I just joined at the end of this past semester, so I'm not that close to anyone in it. But the Tuesday and Thursday clubs? I spent all day those days looking forward to the club meeting because both of those clubs feel like family to me. I love going to the club meetings. I love the people there. I just... I can't wait for the fall semester to start so club meetings can start again.
And that's that. I guess. For now.
The plain and simple fact is that I don't fit in here, at home. I've got literally two friends here, and I love them but we really have grown so far apart in the past couple of years. Things are different when we hang out now, and I don't know how to explain it.
I miss my Potsdam friends. I haven't known any of them as long as I've known my friends here, but that doesn't mean a thing. I'm so much closer with them. I feel like I can be so completely and totally 100% myself when I am with them. And I can be myself with my friends here too, but it's harder to be. I'm closer to my Potsdam friends; I'm so much more comfortable with them. And, to my friends from here, if you're reading this, I'm not saying this to be mean or to hurt you or anything so please don't take it that way.
I miss being just a text message away from hanging out with someone. A simple text. "Come hang out" or "come over" or "dinner?" and BAM people to hang out with. People to be around. People to talk to. Even if we all had homework or other things to do, we do them together. Doing homework or working on other projects all together in the same room. We're all (when we're at school) close enough to just walk to each other's rooms or to someplace to hang out -- the Union, Lehman Park, anywhere... But my friends here? We're separated by miles, and too busy with our own lives to hang out with each other. We're just... making time for each other. And friendship isn't something you should have to "make time" for.
I miss my Potsdam friends. I haven't known any of them as long as I've known my friends here, but that doesn't mean a thing. I'm so much closer with them. I feel like I can be so completely and totally 100% myself when I am with them. And I can be myself with my friends here too, but it's harder to be. I'm closer to my Potsdam friends; I'm so much more comfortable with them. And, to my friends from here, if you're reading this, I'm not saying this to be mean or to hurt you or anything so please don't take it that way.
I miss being just a text message away from hanging out with someone. A simple text. "Come hang out" or "come over" or "dinner?" and BAM people to hang out with. People to be around. People to talk to. Even if we all had homework or other things to do, we do them together. Doing homework or working on other projects all together in the same room. We're all (when we're at school) close enough to just walk to each other's rooms or to someplace to hang out -- the Union, Lehman Park, anywhere... But my friends here? We're separated by miles, and too busy with our own lives to hang out with each other. We're just... making time for each other. And friendship isn't something you should have to "make time" for.
And being around people who are there no matter what time it is, just there to listen. People who have literally seen you break down crying like there isn't going to be a tomorrow. People who know that you are broken and screwed up, and who like you anyway. People who will just listen because that's all you really need, and they know that. Who give advice and listen to what you are saying without judging you. I got home on the 18th, which isn't even a week ago, so it's crazy that I miss it all that much. But I think I miss it because I know I won't get it again until the Summer finally ends. I'm homesick for a place that isn't home, but feels more like it that home actually does.
I want to be able to just text someone and go out somewhere. Not parties or anything like that, because that's just not what I'm into. But just to walk around campus just to talk. I want to go out and watch the stars and talk about nothing and everything, all the topics that come up at ridiculous times in the morning.
I miss the people in the clubs I'm in, and that really sucks because I know that some of those people graduated this year and I won't see them around campus anymore. One of them, he was one of my very first friends at Potsdam. He was my RA my first year there, and this past year we didn't hang out very much (or at all, really) but I just liked knowing that he was there. Knowing that I had a friend there. I mean, I know I've got other friends, but... I don't know how to word this. I felt really... safe, I guess is the right word, around him and it was kind of comforting just knowing that he was there. And he graduated this year. I'm happy for him, I really am, but I'm going to miss seeing him around campus. He always had a smile and even if I was having a bad day, and trying to hide the fact that I was having a bad day, I would see him in passing and he would smile a hello and something in his smile just let me know that everything would be fine. I'm really going to miss that next year. But he's not going to see this, I'm assuming, so he's not going to know any of what I just said. So I don't know why I typed it.
But anyway. Clubs. I'm in 3 different clubs, one on Mondays, one on Tuesdays, and one on Thursdays. The Monday one, I just joined at the end of this past semester, so I'm not that close to anyone in it. But the Tuesday and Thursday clubs? I spent all day those days looking forward to the club meeting because both of those clubs feel like family to me. I love going to the club meetings. I love the people there. I just... I can't wait for the fall semester to start so club meetings can start again.
And that's that. I guess. For now.
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