Is there something out there?
People who know me know that I am not a religious person. I don't believe in any sort of God, and in general I tend to be rather distrusting of religion. How can you believe in something if there's no tangible evidence of its existence? I'm almost sort of jealous of people who unquestioningly believe in some sort of higher power, because I can't do that. I'm not denying the existence of any God; I'm simply saying that I personally don't believe in one. If you believe in God, any God, cool. If you don't, also cool. I'm not trying to get into a religious argument; maybe someday, I might find a religion I agree with. Maybe someday, I might identify myself with some sort of religion. I don't know.
But it's things like what happened today that make me question the existence of a higher... something.
I've written before about how I do believe that there are signs pointing us in the right direction and telling us where we're supposed to be going and what we're supposed to be doing.
You might know that I wanted to student teach in Australia. You also might know that things beyond my control happened, and I missed the deadline for turning in my application. I was so excited about the possibility of student teaching in Australia. I'd gone to every single interest meeting about going. I'd researched it. I'd read all about it and talked to people about it. I wanted it so badly. Naturally, I was devastated when things happened and I missed the deadline.
Potsdam had a study abroad fair today at three. I didn't want to go. I had class at 4:30, and was planning on leaving to go to class around 4.
Three o'clock came, and all I could think was "why bother going to the study abroad fair? There's no point. I'm a senior. I student teach next semester and the graduate in May. I've missed every opportunity I've had to go abroad."
All of the sudden it was 3:30. "There's no point in going. It would just be a waste of time."
And then... a little voice came in the back of my mind. "Go. Why not just go?" I answered myself with Because there's just no point. I won't get anything from it. But the voice asked me a question. "Won't it be good to get out of your room for a bit? Waste some time there before going to class." And so I went.
The first table I saw was the table about student teaching in Australia. I didn't want to stop there. I didn't even want to see that table. I looked the other way and walked past that table. Without knowing where I was going or which booth I would end at, I walked to the other side of the room. As far as I could get from the student teaching in Australia table. I talked with some guy about teaching abroad, possibly going to Brazil. I had no interest in going there, but wanted to be talking to someone other than the person at the Australia table.
After talking to him for a few minutes, I noticed a small crowd of people all around one table. I thought to myself "I wonder what that table is... maybe I'll check it out." I started to walk over to it, but quickly realized it was the student teaching in Australia table and turned away. I wasn't going to go to that table. Going to that table would only make me said about the fact that I'm not able to go.
I stopped at another table. I'm not even sure which one. Talked about going abroad, but I'm not even sure where. I wasn't completely present in the conversation. I took one more glance at the Australia table. There was no one there (except for the person to explain the program). I wanted to, but... no. I looked at my phone, and saw it was just about 4 o'clock. Time to head to class.
I heard my name from behind me. I knew it was the person from the student teaching in Australia table. Inwardly, I groaned. I didn't want to go to that table, but now I had to. I figured I'd just say "hi" and leave.
"Am I going to see you at the informational meeting next week?" she asked me.
I reply with, "No."
She asks why not, and I explain that I missed the deadline and wouldn't be able to go.
She looks at me, and the look she gives me makes me feel like I've missed something important. "You didn't miss the deadline."
I'm confused at this point. The deadline was September 1st. I know it was. I had it written down on four different calendars. "It... the deadline... was September 1st, wasn't it?" I ask, despite the fact that I know it was.
She gets this look on her face, like something has suddenly clicked into place. "It was, but some things happened on our end. The deadline had to be move to October 1st."
I almost started crying right there. I was so happy that I almost started crying in the middle of the student union. My eyes were filled with tears. I couldn't understand how or why this happened, but I don't need to understand. What I know is that this happened, and I couldn't possibly be happier.
And so I have to wonder... were my actions guided by someone or something today? Why did I go to the study abroad fair when I really didn't want to? What was it that told me to go? What was it that made her call out to me and ask if I was going to the meeting? What mysterious "things" happened to make it so the deadline had to get moved back to October 1st?
I think this all happened because it that's the way it was meant to happen. I think it meant that I was meant to go to Australia. I really, truly, honestly think that today was a sign. And it was telling me that Australia is going to happen. I got so lucky, now that I have this little bit of extra time. Someone is looking out for me. Someone wants this to work out just as badly as I want it to. And whoever you are, I thank you.
But it's things like what happened today that make me question the existence of a higher... something.
I've written before about how I do believe that there are signs pointing us in the right direction and telling us where we're supposed to be going and what we're supposed to be doing.
You might know that I wanted to student teach in Australia. You also might know that things beyond my control happened, and I missed the deadline for turning in my application. I was so excited about the possibility of student teaching in Australia. I'd gone to every single interest meeting about going. I'd researched it. I'd read all about it and talked to people about it. I wanted it so badly. Naturally, I was devastated when things happened and I missed the deadline.
Potsdam had a study abroad fair today at three. I didn't want to go. I had class at 4:30, and was planning on leaving to go to class around 4.
Three o'clock came, and all I could think was "why bother going to the study abroad fair? There's no point. I'm a senior. I student teach next semester and the graduate in May. I've missed every opportunity I've had to go abroad."
All of the sudden it was 3:30. "There's no point in going. It would just be a waste of time."
And then... a little voice came in the back of my mind. "Go. Why not just go?" I answered myself with Because there's just no point. I won't get anything from it. But the voice asked me a question. "Won't it be good to get out of your room for a bit? Waste some time there before going to class." And so I went.
The first table I saw was the table about student teaching in Australia. I didn't want to stop there. I didn't even want to see that table. I looked the other way and walked past that table. Without knowing where I was going or which booth I would end at, I walked to the other side of the room. As far as I could get from the student teaching in Australia table. I talked with some guy about teaching abroad, possibly going to Brazil. I had no interest in going there, but wanted to be talking to someone other than the person at the Australia table.
After talking to him for a few minutes, I noticed a small crowd of people all around one table. I thought to myself "I wonder what that table is... maybe I'll check it out." I started to walk over to it, but quickly realized it was the student teaching in Australia table and turned away. I wasn't going to go to that table. Going to that table would only make me said about the fact that I'm not able to go.
I stopped at another table. I'm not even sure which one. Talked about going abroad, but I'm not even sure where. I wasn't completely present in the conversation. I took one more glance at the Australia table. There was no one there (except for the person to explain the program). I wanted to, but... no. I looked at my phone, and saw it was just about 4 o'clock. Time to head to class.
I heard my name from behind me. I knew it was the person from the student teaching in Australia table. Inwardly, I groaned. I didn't want to go to that table, but now I had to. I figured I'd just say "hi" and leave.
"Am I going to see you at the informational meeting next week?" she asked me.
I reply with, "No."
She asks why not, and I explain that I missed the deadline and wouldn't be able to go.
She looks at me, and the look she gives me makes me feel like I've missed something important. "You didn't miss the deadline."
I'm confused at this point. The deadline was September 1st. I know it was. I had it written down on four different calendars. "It... the deadline... was September 1st, wasn't it?" I ask, despite the fact that I know it was.
She gets this look on her face, like something has suddenly clicked into place. "It was, but some things happened on our end. The deadline had to be move to October 1st."
I almost started crying right there. I was so happy that I almost started crying in the middle of the student union. My eyes were filled with tears. I couldn't understand how or why this happened, but I don't need to understand. What I know is that this happened, and I couldn't possibly be happier.
And so I have to wonder... were my actions guided by someone or something today? Why did I go to the study abroad fair when I really didn't want to? What was it that told me to go? What was it that made her call out to me and ask if I was going to the meeting? What mysterious "things" happened to make it so the deadline had to get moved back to October 1st?
I think this all happened because it that's the way it was meant to happen. I think it meant that I was meant to go to Australia. I really, truly, honestly think that today was a sign. And it was telling me that Australia is going to happen. I got so lucky, now that I have this little bit of extra time. Someone is looking out for me. Someone wants this to work out just as badly as I want it to. And whoever you are, I thank you.
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