How do you say the right thing?

Dad,

How do you say the right thing when there isn't a right thing to say?  Why did you have to leave?  I miss you.  Nikki misses you.  Cody and Hailey miss you.  We all do.  When Nikki called me tonight in tears, I didn't know what to say to her.  I just want to make it better for her.  I want her to be ok.  I wish I could be with her right now, just so I could hug her and just be there for her.  I wish, I wish so so badly there was something I could say to her that would make all of this go away.  I wish I could somehow go back in time and stop your death from happening.  What do I tell her?  What's the right thing to say?  I don't think there is a right thing to say, so I just listened.  All I knew to do was to listen to her, and so that's what I did.

I don't understand any of this, Dad.

I just want you back.

It's not fair.  Why?  Why did this happen?  I just want to see you again.  I want a hug, and to hear your voice.  I miss talking to you on the phone.  And I know Nikki does too.

Dad, on the first day of my placement in the school, I kept looking at my phone.  I realized later in the morning that I'd been looking at my phone because I was waiting for you to text me to say "good luck!" for my first day being in the classroom, just like you did last time when I was in the classroom.  I wanted to call you that afternoon to tell you about my day.  I still want to call you.  After each day in the classroom, I just want to call you to tell you how awesome my fourth graders are and tell you the funniest things they say.  I want to be able to tell you how happy being in the classroom makes me, and how I know that I made the right choice by being an Education major and that being a teacher is going to be the best job in the world.  I want to tell you how nervous I am about student teaching next semester, and I want to hear you tell me it will be alright and that I'll be fine.

I just really miss you.

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