Another summer comes to a close...
Summer 2014 flew by in the blink of an eye. I'm going to the fair on Saturday, and that's - I guess - the unofficial end of summer. (Side note: I'm SUPER excited to go to the fair because I'm going with my friends, Caitlin and Christina, who I haven't seen or hung out with since before going to Australia.)
And on that note, I still can't believe I actually went to Australia! It happened, but it still feels like a dream I'm going to wake up from at any moment now.
You know, I really wanted to write tonight, but now that I'm actually sitting here with this page open, I have no idea what to write about.
Do I write about the fact that Sarah and I broke up? Because we did. About a week and a half ago, when I was down at her house visiting her. I saw it coming. I actually thought about writing a post about feeling the person you have feelings for slip away. I knew what I was going to say. I had a post all planned out in my mind, but we had a busy day planned, so I told myself I would write it that night. But it turned out I didn't need to write it because she broke up with me that morning. Even though I knew it was coming, it still hurt. When she sat down next to me and said that we needed to talk, I knew what she was going to say, but I still cried. It's not that I didn't have the time to mentally prepare myself because, well, I didn't. But I would have cried anyway. That's the problem with me - I feel too much and I fall too fast, and even though I know that only hurts me in the end, I can't change that about myself. I get too attached too quickly. My mom said, when I told her, "it was only six months, at least your heart wasn't that into the relationship yet." But the thing is... it was. My heart was in it from the start. So breaking up? It hurt. But also, it's life. She said the distance changed her feelings, so I can't fault her. It's not her fault that her feelings changed and mine didn't. I can't be mad. And I don't hate her. I don't think badly of her. We both said we still want to be friends, and I hope that really does happen because even if I can't love her as what we were, then I hope to always love her as a friend.
Do I write about my friend Luke, who is probably my best friend in the entire world and who always gives me the best advice and is there for me no matter what? Because I love him (as a friend) and I love having him in my life. The fact that he lived on my floor my first year at Potsdam was the luckiest moment of my life because the relationship between us, the way it was right from the very beginning, was that of a brother/sister relationship. And even though he's younger than I am, he's the older brother I never had. He looks out for me and I know he cares about me, and I care about him as well. Not counting my mom, he was the first person I said anything to about Sarah and I breaking up. I didn't have to say anything more than "I need a hug" and he messaged me back practically a book with his big brother words of wisdom. I trust him and I know I can count on him. I swear the world would be a better place if everyone had an older brother like him.
Do I write about the fact that I still have no clue what I want to do with my life? Because I don't. I'm applying to work at a restaurant near where I live, and if I actually do get a job there it'll be minimum wage probably waiting tables or working at the register, neither of which I have any experience at all with, but I mean hey it's a job, right? And that'll make the days go by faster, which would be amazing because I'm so completely, utterly bored with everything about my life right now.
Do I write about how excited I am to do a photoshoot with my friend's daughters? Because I can't wait! Candis and Izzy are 5 and 2, and are just the best and more adorable little munchkins in the entire world. I have so many ideas for this photoshoot and I'm excited to see these ideas come to life.
Do I write about my feelings on Taylor Swift's new single, "Shake It Off"? Because, well, it's catchy but it's not exactly good. It's a decent song, but it doesn't feel like a Taylor Swift song. I feel like if I didn't know it was Taylor Swift, I would have a really hard time believing that it's Taylor Swift. I actually hated it the first time I heard it. I sat there thinking "oh my god, what is this??" I was actually thankful I wasn't picked to attend the live-chat in person because oh my god if I was in the same room as Taylor freaking-most-perfect-person-ever-to-exist-ever Swift and I hated her song in front of her, I would be mortified. My life would be over. But it grew on me, and while I still don't love it (I doubt if I'll ever love it), I don't mind it. It's not horrible, but I know she's a much better writer and performer than what she showed on that track.
Do I write about the Ice Bucket Challenge? Because while part of me is like "I'm so glad I don't have any friends so I don't get nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge!" and then part of me is like "what the heck? How come none of my friends nominated me for the Ice Bucket Challenge?" If I got nominated, I would use it to spread awareness about GAN (Giant Axonal Neuropathy, which is often described as childhood ALS).
But I guess I have nothing to write about. So here's a picture of me underwater. (Thanks, lifeproof iPhone case!)
And on that note, I still can't believe I actually went to Australia! It happened, but it still feels like a dream I'm going to wake up from at any moment now.
You know, I really wanted to write tonight, but now that I'm actually sitting here with this page open, I have no idea what to write about.
Do I write about the fact that Sarah and I broke up? Because we did. About a week and a half ago, when I was down at her house visiting her. I saw it coming. I actually thought about writing a post about feeling the person you have feelings for slip away. I knew what I was going to say. I had a post all planned out in my mind, but we had a busy day planned, so I told myself I would write it that night. But it turned out I didn't need to write it because she broke up with me that morning. Even though I knew it was coming, it still hurt. When she sat down next to me and said that we needed to talk, I knew what she was going to say, but I still cried. It's not that I didn't have the time to mentally prepare myself because, well, I didn't. But I would have cried anyway. That's the problem with me - I feel too much and I fall too fast, and even though I know that only hurts me in the end, I can't change that about myself. I get too attached too quickly. My mom said, when I told her, "it was only six months, at least your heart wasn't that into the relationship yet." But the thing is... it was. My heart was in it from the start. So breaking up? It hurt. But also, it's life. She said the distance changed her feelings, so I can't fault her. It's not her fault that her feelings changed and mine didn't. I can't be mad. And I don't hate her. I don't think badly of her. We both said we still want to be friends, and I hope that really does happen because even if I can't love her as what we were, then I hope to always love her as a friend.
Do I write about my friend Luke, who is probably my best friend in the entire world and who always gives me the best advice and is there for me no matter what? Because I love him (as a friend) and I love having him in my life. The fact that he lived on my floor my first year at Potsdam was the luckiest moment of my life because the relationship between us, the way it was right from the very beginning, was that of a brother/sister relationship. And even though he's younger than I am, he's the older brother I never had. He looks out for me and I know he cares about me, and I care about him as well. Not counting my mom, he was the first person I said anything to about Sarah and I breaking up. I didn't have to say anything more than "I need a hug" and he messaged me back practically a book with his big brother words of wisdom. I trust him and I know I can count on him. I swear the world would be a better place if everyone had an older brother like him.
Do I write about the fact that I still have no clue what I want to do with my life? Because I don't. I'm applying to work at a restaurant near where I live, and if I actually do get a job there it'll be minimum wage probably waiting tables or working at the register, neither of which I have any experience at all with, but I mean hey it's a job, right? And that'll make the days go by faster, which would be amazing because I'm so completely, utterly bored with everything about my life right now.
Do I write about how excited I am to do a photoshoot with my friend's daughters? Because I can't wait! Candis and Izzy are 5 and 2, and are just the best and more adorable little munchkins in the entire world. I have so many ideas for this photoshoot and I'm excited to see these ideas come to life.
Do I write about my feelings on Taylor Swift's new single, "Shake It Off"? Because, well, it's catchy but it's not exactly good. It's a decent song, but it doesn't feel like a Taylor Swift song. I feel like if I didn't know it was Taylor Swift, I would have a really hard time believing that it's Taylor Swift. I actually hated it the first time I heard it. I sat there thinking "oh my god, what is this??" I was actually thankful I wasn't picked to attend the live-chat in person because oh my god if I was in the same room as Taylor freaking-most-perfect-person-ever-to-exist-ever Swift and I hated her song in front of her, I would be mortified. My life would be over. But it grew on me, and while I still don't love it (I doubt if I'll ever love it), I don't mind it. It's not horrible, but I know she's a much better writer and performer than what she showed on that track.
Do I write about the Ice Bucket Challenge? Because while part of me is like "I'm so glad I don't have any friends so I don't get nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge!" and then part of me is like "what the heck? How come none of my friends nominated me for the Ice Bucket Challenge?" If I got nominated, I would use it to spread awareness about GAN (Giant Axonal Neuropathy, which is often described as childhood ALS).
But I guess I have nothing to write about. So here's a picture of me underwater. (Thanks, lifeproof iPhone case!)
Comments
Post a Comment