The Conversation I Hate So Much
"You got your degree in childhood education, right?"
"Yeah, but doing my first student teaching placement, I realized I didn't really want to be a teacher."
"Oh, yeah it is hard to find a job in that field right now."
"No, I just don't want to be a teacher."
"So you're not.... doing anything then?"
It's a conversation I've had far too many times since I walked the stage at graduation last May. I had a great time in college. When I graduated college, it was probably the most successful I'd felt in my entire life. I'd worked so hard for five years of my life. I stayed up late studying. I did the assignments, the homework, the classwork. I cried over extra-credit projects, and failing was one of my biggest fears. I somehow managed to juggle classwork, friends, and several different clubs. During student teaching, I spent all of my free time grading papers, trying to come up with fun/interactive lessons and behavior plans that might actually work. I was dating an amazing girl who I couldn't give my full attention to because the majority of the time we spent together was spent grading spelling tests or preparing lesson stuff. I didn't deserve someone like her; I was too caught up in my own life to be completely there for her - she was there for me when I came back to campus in tears over my inability to control the 18 second graders I had to deal with, but I was never completely there for her... Maybe I'm just selfish... because when I graduated, when I walked across that stage, when I got my diploma, none of the stress or the the tears or the time I spent not being there for the girl I liked so so so much... none of it mattered because I just felt so successful. I felt like everything had finally all come together. Suddenly, all the sleepless nights were worth it. I felt so successful.
But since I have no interest in the field I have my degree in, other people - some strangers, some family - seem to want to take that successful feeling away from me. I have a college degree that I worked damn hard for. When I chose my major, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life; there were so many maybes.
- Maybe I wanted to be a vet.
- Maybe I wanted to edit movies.
- Maybe I wanted to be a writer.
- Maybe I wanted to be a teacher.
- Maybe I just had no freaking clue.
I went to college because that's what you're supposed to do after high school. I chose education as my major because that's what other people told me they thought I'd be good at - "you love being around kids, you'd be a great teacher!" (Surprise - enjoying being around kids doesn't mean you'd be a great teacher). I volunteered at a daycare (until I got hired at a children's play center) and I loved it. I worked at a children's play center (until they went out of business) and I liked it. And now, now I'm working at a packing/shipping store and - guess what - I love that too.
I am working at a job that has absolutely nothing to do with what I majored in, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I'm working a job that has nothing to do with what my education is in, and I like being there. I'm working at a job where customers who come in probably assume I don't have a higher education, and I don't care because it's no one's business but my own.
But back to the conversation that I hate so much.
It's a family member's comment of "you're wasting your degree."
Or another family member's "you wasted all that money."
Or another who finds it necessary to passive-aggressively tell me how much I've screwed up, by telling me about any little opening in a school - "you could at least try to find a job as a school secretary. At least that way you would still sort of be doing something with your degree."
It's a coworker's snide "yeah I could never put up with kids all day either."
It's a friend's "so you just chose education because it was an easy major?"
Or my personal favorite of "why did you even go to college then?"
It's the reason I hate talking about college. It's the reason I don't want people to know what my degree is in. It's the reason I'm glad my diploma just says "Bachelor of Arts" instead of saying what exactly that degree is in.
When I graduated, I felt successful.
It's no one's business to take that success from me.
"Yeah, but doing my first student teaching placement, I realized I didn't really want to be a teacher."
"Oh, yeah it is hard to find a job in that field right now."
"No, I just don't want to be a teacher."
"So you're not.... doing anything then?"
It's a conversation I've had far too many times since I walked the stage at graduation last May. I had a great time in college. When I graduated college, it was probably the most successful I'd felt in my entire life. I'd worked so hard for five years of my life. I stayed up late studying. I did the assignments, the homework, the classwork. I cried over extra-credit projects, and failing was one of my biggest fears. I somehow managed to juggle classwork, friends, and several different clubs. During student teaching, I spent all of my free time grading papers, trying to come up with fun/interactive lessons and behavior plans that might actually work. I was dating an amazing girl who I couldn't give my full attention to because the majority of the time we spent together was spent grading spelling tests or preparing lesson stuff. I didn't deserve someone like her; I was too caught up in my own life to be completely there for her - she was there for me when I came back to campus in tears over my inability to control the 18 second graders I had to deal with, but I was never completely there for her... Maybe I'm just selfish... because when I graduated, when I walked across that stage, when I got my diploma, none of the stress or the the tears or the time I spent not being there for the girl I liked so so so much... none of it mattered because I just felt so successful. I felt like everything had finally all come together. Suddenly, all the sleepless nights were worth it. I felt so successful.
But since I have no interest in the field I have my degree in, other people - some strangers, some family - seem to want to take that successful feeling away from me. I have a college degree that I worked damn hard for. When I chose my major, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life; there were so many maybes.
- Maybe I wanted to be a vet.
- Maybe I wanted to edit movies.
- Maybe I wanted to be a writer.
- Maybe I wanted to be a teacher.
- Maybe I just had no freaking clue.
I went to college because that's what you're supposed to do after high school. I chose education as my major because that's what other people told me they thought I'd be good at - "you love being around kids, you'd be a great teacher!" (Surprise - enjoying being around kids doesn't mean you'd be a great teacher). I volunteered at a daycare (until I got hired at a children's play center) and I loved it. I worked at a children's play center (until they went out of business) and I liked it. And now, now I'm working at a packing/shipping store and - guess what - I love that too.
I am working at a job that has absolutely nothing to do with what I majored in, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I'm working a job that has nothing to do with what my education is in, and I like being there. I'm working at a job where customers who come in probably assume I don't have a higher education, and I don't care because it's no one's business but my own.
But back to the conversation that I hate so much.
It's a family member's comment of "you're wasting your degree."
Or another family member's "you wasted all that money."
Or another who finds it necessary to passive-aggressively tell me how much I've screwed up, by telling me about any little opening in a school - "you could at least try to find a job as a school secretary. At least that way you would still sort of be doing something with your degree."
It's a coworker's snide "yeah I could never put up with kids all day either."
It's a friend's "so you just chose education because it was an easy major?"
Or my personal favorite of "why did you even go to college then?"
It's the reason I hate talking about college. It's the reason I don't want people to know what my degree is in. It's the reason I'm glad my diploma just says "Bachelor of Arts" instead of saying what exactly that degree is in.
When I graduated, I felt successful.
It's no one's business to take that success from me.
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