And then it hits me.

Do you ever have a conversation with one of your friends, and that friend says something that... it just hits you.  It's not something you'd thought about, but the more you do, the more you realize that "oh. Yeah."

I was with one of my friends last night and we drove past one of my other friends.  She was walking with someone, but I didn't catch who.  "Was she with (name)?" I asked, hoping he would say no.  Which he did.  I smiled, not meaning to.  "He's nice and they seem happy and all, but... I don't know.  Something about him just bothers me."

It was quiet in the car for a second before he responded with "Because she's with him and not you?"

I was quiet, not knowing how to respond.  I did like her at one point, but not any more.  I mean, I didn't think so anyway.  We're friends.  He is nice though, and the two of them really do seem happy together.  So then what is it about him that bothers me?  I don't even know.  I just don't want to see her get hurt by him.  I keep telling myself that I'm not jealous, that it's just because I'm friends with her.  I try telling myself that it's because I'm just worried about what our friendship will become as she spends more and more time with him.  Selfish, I know.  But if it's just that I don't want to see her hurt by him, then why, when I see them together, do I think about how much better I would treat her?  Why do I think about how much better I would be for her than he is?  It's wrong.  Not to like her, but because she's my friend and she's happy with him.  It's wrong to not be thinking about her happiness.  Finally I answer him, "I don't know.  Maybe."

Why didn't I realize before?  Why did it take my friend's comment to open my eyes and see the truth I've been trying so hard to deny?

But it hit me, and I realized that the fact that she's with him is what I don't like about him.  Maybe there's something else too, but that's definitely a big reason.  And it took me until last night to see that.

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