December 10th

I'm actually surprised that I've gone this far in the month, remembering to update here each day.  I know sometimes I don't really have much to say, but whatever.  I'm always saying something, which (I think) is somewhat impressive.

There's ONE WEEK left of classes!!!  Well, one week plus one day.  Next week (this week? I always get confused with that.  When do you say next week and when do you say this week? That's ALWAYS confused me.) anyways.  This/Next week, the week coming up, the 13th to the 17th is the LAST FULL WEEK OF CLASSES!!!  Wow.  I just... This semester is over already?  It felt like it was going by really fast until Thanksgiving break (November 25th: "it's Thanksgiving already?  Didn't we just do Halloween a week ago???") but then, after break it started to just drag by soooo s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-l-y (November 30th: "Oh my godddddd how much longer until this f-ing semester ends already?!?"), and now the closer it gets to finals, the faster it's starting to go ("Oh my god! Finals are NEXT WEEK?!?!?!  When the f did that happen??").  I'm almost positive it's not just me feeling that way.

Why does no one get that I don't want anything for myself for Christmas this year?  I don't need anything.  There's stuff I want, yeah.  Everyone has stuff they want.  But I have so much stuff already.  And plus, I'd rather buy my own stuff than have other people buy it and give it to me.  But what I want this year for Christmas is for people to donate a toy to Toys For Tots or money to Hannah's Hope Fund.  I like seeing other people happy.  That makes me happy, seeing other people happy because happiness is contagious.  So if everyone else is happy at Christmas, I'll be happy too.  I'd be happy not getting anything under the tree.  But no one seems to understand that.  They all think I "have to" have something under the Christmas tree to open.  But I don't.  Why should I get presents when some kids out there don't get anything?  Little kids who still believe in Santa Claus, they should get presents.  Every kid out there (who celebrates Christmas) deserves to have a present to unwrap Christmas morning.  That's a  part of childhood.  So why don't more people donate to Toys For Tots?  I just don't get it!

11 more days until I get to give my downstairs neighbors their Christmas presents!  I'm seriously so excited about that, especially giving Pat the picture of the kids.  Mom says that she will probably cry when she opens it.  I hope not.  Even if it's tears of happiness, I never know what to do when someone cries.

On the downside of the semester being almost over... There's only two more Tuesday/Thursday tutoring sessions.  So only two more days that I know I'll get to see her.  I don't know, maybe that's a good thing.  I'll miss seeing her, but I think it'll be good to not see her for a bit.  I really hope she'll be there again in the Spring semester though.  I wish I had the courage to say something to her.  I want to, so bad.  But I'm too chicken.  I love talking to her though.  She makes me laugh.  I make her laugh.  Conversation seems to flow so easily and so naturally between the two of us, if we're the only two there.  If we're, say, in the tutoring room talking with other people around... that's when conversation is just... weird.  That's when conversation is full of "ums" and "uhs" and looking at the other person but then quickly looking away, looking down at the table or up at the clock.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Little Me - Letter(s) to my younger self

Image
Dear Little Me, You're three.  You've just become a big sister, so life is changing so much right now.  It's okay.  You're so smart, smarter than a 3 year old really has any right to be.  The world is big, and you're so little - and you discovered that books are an escape from everything, even though you don't know yet that that's what you're doing, escaping from the confusing and ever changing world into the familiarity of your books.  Hop on Pop never changes no matter how many times you read it.  One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish is the same story every time.  Fox In Socks? Green Eggs & Ham?  The entire series of Spot the dog books?  No matter how big or loud or scary the world is, they stay the same and there’s something comforting about that.  Something about that feels safe and just feels right.  And that's okay.  There isn't anything wrong with you.  You're autistic; you just don't know it yet. Don't Take Th...
Read more

Eight Months Later

Image
Eight months ago today, I was diagnosed as autistic.  And some days I feel like I’m still processing that diagnosis.  It’s something that, for so long, I had thought/suspected about myself and I thought, because I’d thought it for so long, that that knowing wouldn’t change anything.  And in some ways, most ways, nothing in my life has changed except that   I   know now and so do other people.  I mean, I’d started accommodating myself before that diagnosis – I got a weighted blanket for when I was experiencing anxiety or restlessness or just couldn’t sleep; I bought Loop earplugs to help with noise and started wearing them to things like concerts or hockey games or even the plays that we go to; I keep fidget toys at my desk at work; hell I even started keeping my hair short so it wouldn’t be   touching  me because I hate that sensory experience so much – so in my head, I thought it would be the same, I’d just be more knowledgeable about myself....
Read more

The Next President...

I didn't sleep last night; I was too afraid that America was going to make the worst possible decision.  And we did.  Somehow, Donald Trump became the president-elect.  Somehow, enough people actually voted for him.  Somehow, people support his racism , sexism , homophobia , Islamophobia .  Somehow, people were able to look past not only the fact that he has virtually no political experience and was the least qualified candidate for the job, but they were also able to look past the way he treats women and the fact that he's sexually assaulted multiple women.  (Wondering why it takes people so long to come forward about abuse?  Because we live in a country where their assailant can become leader of the free world.) A Trump presidency scares me so much. It’s not solely because of him, not only because he’s a republican, but because we’re going to spend the next four years with a republican-controlled house and senate. Because the Trump and Pence are...
Read more