December 7th

Why do I feel like I don't know how to be alone? I used to like being alone. I loved being able to think in silence, being able to not think, being able to just be. But now I hate being by myself. I need people around, which is so weird for me. I need people to like me. I'm so like... freaked out and worried a lot of the time that my friends don't really like me. That they just put up with me because we've been friends for so long. But that doesn't even make sense, does it? Because if we're friends, then they have to like me right? Well, not have to... But, they do, right? You don't be friends with people you don't like, right?

But then, when I am around people, I want the alone back. Like... not totally alone, but not with everyone either. When there's a lot of people, or when I don't know everyone around, I just shut right up and don't really say anything. I want to be around people, but I don't want to. I want to fit in and be normal, but I want to be me too. That's confusing. Like... I'm me around my friends and in small groups of people. But put me in a crowd, and I'm the quiet little wall-flower people expect me to be.

Maybe I don't know what I want when it comes to people. Or maybe I'm not the only one who ever feels like this? I don't even know. My mind is so confusing sometimes.

I'm listening to Taylor Swift music right now. That's random, I know, but I like this song. It's "Long Live" from her newest album. The lyrics to this song... just... I love. Pretty much this whole CD is f-ing amazing. Lyrically. And vocally. It's her best.

I'll be screaming long live all the magic we made,
and bring on all the pretenders.
One day, we will be remembered.
~ Long Live

The cynics were outraged,
screaming "this is absurd!"
'Cuz for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans
got to rule the world.
~ Long Live

Hold on, just spinning around.
Confetti falls to the ground.
May these memories break our fall.
~ Long Live

People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard.
~ Ours

There I was again tonight,
forcing laughter, faking smiles.
Same old tired lonely place.
Walls of insincerity,
shifting eyes and vacancy,
vanished when I saw your face.
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
~ Enchanted

And like every other song on this album. They all have like the most amazing lyrics ever. I love how all Taylor connects so much to the fans in what she writes. She writes about life, and everyone can related to at least one of her songs. I think my all-time favourite of her songs is "Change" from her album, Fearless. The lyrics to that one are so, so, powerful. It's like an anthem or something. I think. But I love it.

These things will change!
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up
to hold us back will fall down!
It's a revolution!
The time WILL come for us to finally win.

I just... love... those lyrics.

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