December 29th

Is this blog, or any blog really, a form of writing where you're writing in a stream-of-consciousness?  Because when we read The Sound and the Fury (which was an awful book, by the way. Don't read it.  Ever.) in literature classics, the chapter in Benjy's point of view, my teacher said that was a stream-of-consciousness.  So that's when you're, like, writing what you're thinking, right?  So then... facebook statues and tweets on twitter are like that too, right?  I dunno why it matters.  I just wanted to know.

So anyway.  "2010was" is a trending topic on twitter right now, and I wrote up a "2010was" post on twitlonger.  It ended up being a lot longer than what I thought it would be.  And I guess, if you really wanted to know how 2010 was for me, you could just read through the old posts from earlier this year on here.  But whatever.  I'm going to put what I wrote on twitlonger on here.  Well... I changed some of it and added more to the end on here than I did on twitlonger, but yeah.

2010 was a year where I was sad. I was hurt. I felt worthless, scared, and alone. I didn't want to be anymore, and yet somehow I was. I cried a lot, but only when I was alone so no one would know.

But 2010 was also a year where I did a lot of self-discovery. I figured out a lot of who I am. I learned. I started to understand. I figured out who some of my real friends are and started to realize, for the first time, that the people who aren't my real friends really don't matter. I learned I could walk away from people who weren't good for me, learned that there were others who cared.

2010 was a year when I fell in love with someone, but didn't have the guts to say anything to them. Well, I think it was love anyway. Maybe it wasn't, but I felt feelings I'd never before felt towards anyone else. Anyone.

Early in 2010 was a time when I came this close to losing Nathan, the 3 year old kid downstairs from me who means absolutely everything to me. That made me see more clearly what matters in life. How I felt when I found out he might not be ok, that made me truly see for the first time that I would die for those kids downstairs. I would rather it be me hurt than any of them. He ended up being ok, and for that I am so thankful.

2010 was a year when I had big opportunities that ended up falling through. I almost had a video featured on State Farm's website. I almost got to intern at a record company. I was almost an extra in a movie. None of that ended up happening, and I was really disappointed at first. But then I learned, because of that, to never give up and never stop trying. If an opportunity comes along, grab hold of it and don't let go. If you want your dreams to come true, you have to make it happen instead of sitting and waiting for it to happen on its own.

2010 was when I learned that sometimes you just need a break from everyone. Sometimes for things to get better, you need to get away from where you are and who you're around. Being away lets you see the bigger picture, lets you see more clearly everything you need to.

2010 was a year that we, the United States, the world, saw a great increase in LGBT suicides. Maybe the numbers didn't really go up that much. Maybe it was just all more publicized than it ever has been before. But 2010 was a real wake-up call to millions of people that bullying is a big problem in our society. The news reports scared me. They made me cry. They made me see that things need to change, and they're not going to just magically change. The world isn't going to be a better place overnight. We're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and see everything perfect and fair and right. No. Just like with reaching your dreams, if you want change to happen, you have to make the change. What's that saying? "Be the change you want to see in the world." It's something like that. And 2010 was when I realized how true that saying is.

2010 was the year I found out about Hannah's Hope Fund and, therefore, found something really important to me that I want to help. I'm never going to stop supporting Hannah's Hope.

Overall, 2010 was a pretty good year, not gonna lie. I'm pretty sure I'm a better, stronger person because of 2010.  I wouldn't trade away any of this year.  If I had the chance to redo this year, I wouldn't.  I wouldn't make the bad go away, and I wouldn't make the good better.  I figure that everything in life happens for a reason.  Everything that happens helps to make you who you are.  And no one is defined by one single characteristic.  Everyone is so many different things at once, and those things are what make us who we are.

I think Ke$ha said it best: We R Who We R.